My life,,,
Married almost 10 years
Bomb on May 2 2006
Officially seperated June 1 2006
Discovered Ow on June 19 2006
hes slowly been warming up to me since then
can I consider myself lucky enough to be piecing after DBing my butt off?
even though he hasnt said stop the D?
how do I link my previous threads here?
Thank you in advance if you can take time to explain how to do this...
God Bless You
Instructions can be found by clicking on "UBBCODE in your posts" at the top of a newly created post. Or by clicking "URL" in the "Instant UBB Code" link below the Post box. It'll pop up a window. Just cut and past your old post URL (the address bar) into the URL, then name it.
Thank you my dear... I want to know if anyone can help me with this ,, things have been going smoothly and we seem to be piecing and he has yet to say stop the D proceedings it will be final in October, just last Thursday he sed he would never change his mind,,, (9 Days later) 1. Said last Sunday to a friend that lives here with us (((and HIS FRIEND tells me what hubby says CAUSE he wants us to stay together and says he respects me for being a god woman))) that H told him Im not going to leave my wife anymore ,,, Im going to stay home. 2.acts ore at home now like a weight has been lifted. 3.compliments me daily. ( told me last night I was an angel from heaven) 4.holds me while he is sleeping 5.calls me his wife in conversation with others, b4 he would just say ,,Im home with the kids. 6.has been home for over 2 weeks now. 7.yesterday did not talk to OW at all and she didnt call either( I think on wednesday he must have sed something to her @ all this.(dunno for sure cause I do not ask.) I look at his cell when he leaves it sit for a minute. 8. On wednesday he finally erased OW picture from his phone.. ( it was his screensaver BTW))) I had previously asked him to like 10 days ago and then never mentioned it again. he said it meant nothing and he just hadnt had time. he just wasnt ready I think better explains it. 9. took the kids and I out to eat on Tuesday. 10. calls me and says hell call me later when he is at work or asks me to call him later.
Our D will be final in October but he hasnt asked me to stop it... give him more time and dont ask right? I feel so blessed right now and thank God for allowing this second chance. God Bless..
Quote: Our D will be final in October but he hasnt asked me to stop it...give him more time and dont ask right?
Don't ask. Don't pressure him. October is a long way away and there's plenty of time to approach that. I think he's testing the waters to make sure he knows what he wants. Make sure you are being the best YOU that you can be within the relationship and before you know it, I bet HE will be the one stopping the D.
I wouldn't say anthing, at least not until sept. If he wants to say w/you he is bound to tell you one of this days that he stopped the D, was the D formally filed already?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Quote: I am going to do alot of reading today and journaling. It helps me find my center. I need to focus on all the hard work Ive done to get to this point,, I must keep being the strong woman Ive become. This week I want to organize my days better so that my mind is clearer. Its been a rough time and I want to believe the worst is over but that does not mean my work is done. I need to daily remember ,,,Ill get out of my M what I put into it. Wake up everday to the blessing that has been given. I have til October,,, WE were supposed to go to an appointment to sign a joint petition last week,,, he never mentioned it so I never called the lady to schedule it. When Aug. 1st rolls around if we havent gone ( to sign those papers) the D will not happen... the contract I gave him three weeks ago clearly states that. So ... ((((We'll see what happens from our daily interactions and how loving he is ,,I think he doesnt want to D anymore.)))
He knows about this and didnt badger me about it like he did in the beginning,, I shouldnt mention it unless he brings it up again? MY H is the type that once hes apologized he wont talk about it again hell just try to make up for it by being nice. GOD BLESS
That means its not as formal as I thought doesnt it you just brought that fact to my attention.I feel soooooooooooooooo much hope but once in a while the OW garbage haunts me.. GOD Bless
Quote: YOO HOO things are going really well keep my fingers crossed... Today as a matter of fact he called me at 9:30 am and asked me to call him later etc etc etc... fantastic... I am pleased with the progress and you are right about the grieving ,, I went thru a similiar sitch with an ex boyfriend when I met my Husband ,,I never loved him like I have always loved my husband but ,I cared that I was hurting him soooooooo much by rejecting his offer to be my boyfriend again,, I was and still am madly in love with my Husband.
So I think thats where the calmness comes, cause I understand the guilt. I feel so optimistic and serene and then once in a while fear terror seeps in my thoughts,,, thank God I dont let it poison my daily interactions like I have in the past. This going thru hell and coming out the other side has really opened my eyes to how much my behavior, my mood, my amount of self esteem, the way I made love, the time I spent focusing on the problems instead of focusing on the solution,, how to really make a commitment to show my love daily,,,how all of me really has a great effect on him. My self esteem in the past made me think anything I did/didnt do had absolutely no value,,, how blind I was in my own self pity....
He needed me soooooooooooo much and I failed him by wallowing in my own pity for tooooo long. I truly see now that : HE really just needed to be loved to feel loved and I let him down. What DBing has helped me realize is if I do not love myself I simply CAN NOT love anyone else,, I know weve heard it a 100,000,000 times but you know what? I finally got it. If I am living unworthy and feel like I do not deserve love how can I make anyone feel good? AS I get stronger I see he gets happier,, Once in awhile ,,, I must admit being assertive doesnt come naturally to me but Im a work in progress and I will prevail. I used to be passive agressive... and what do they say repeating the same behavior over and over again expecting different results is :insanity. I guess I was insane and it took getting knocked on my hinder to see I was sorely lacking in being there for him,, I was playing house so to speak and not giving everything I am,,, but living behind a wall of fear.
That same fear and not loving him like he deserved brought me here,, Yeah he could have worked on it too,,, but I am accepting of this trial and thank GOD for this oppurtunity to love him again and most of all for the knowledge of being aware, alive ,present and serene,, I know him giving me a second chance helps me but ,,I see more than anything that me loving myself (((like is said over and over on these boards ))) once really put into action makes a big/huge difference..((not just in my M but in every day life )) I am grateful for the book and Michelle,, a Blessing From GOD and hope one day soon to report that w/o a shadow of a doubt my MARRIAGE has not only /// been saved and restored but...
made into a real lasting comitment where two people can love and live in respect , honesty and integrity.
MY mini goals have been reached the real big one hopefully so,, and most of all, all my reading and working has been rewarded with hope for a real lasting ---adult --- relationship that will continue to grow b/c you get out of it what you put into it.It feels so different now like Ive grown up alot and I have really grown INTO A BETTER WOMAN and will continue to do so. WE do this with our plants, our cars , our jobs ,, but the most important thing of all MY MARRIAGE,, I assumed would sustain itself alone with the love I felt in my heart/ I failed miserably..everyday. I must put effort into my love and nourish it for it to grow into the most beautiful thing , I could ever create, I only have the rest of my days to do this ((Hopefully)) what other thing that we nuture could give us so much pleasure? There are some I know,,, children,etc. etc.... but for me growing old and having a big happy family means the world to me. Cars, houses , diamonds and furs come and go but love and being loved by the one you love so dearly have no comparison,,, God please help me to be sronger everyday,, God Bless
-------------------- We turn outward, attracted by the beauty we see in created things without realizing that they are only a reflection of the real beauty. And the real beauty is within us.
