ANS-You know, your probably right. My H KNOWS how bad his actions screwed everything up -NOW. At the time, he was hurting so badly all he could think aboutwas his own needs. At least your not going that route, and when I say that route I mean an affair. Talk about screwing up a relatiosnship! The only good thing I can say about an affair is it makes you come to a turning point in your M. We were just plodding along. Me, having my panic attacks as you welll know, and him living his double life until I found out. Then the dynamics changed. He had to make a choice and he knew it. I think he was ready to get out of the relationship anyway somewhat. She made him feel comfortable,but she wasn't what he ultimatley wanted and he kept wanting me more and more I could tell. He was scared though. Scared of alot of things. Anyway, he chose us, and closed the chapter on the life with the OW forever. It's then that you know you HAVE to work on the M so it does not go back to what it was when the A started. That's the difference between yours and my sitch. You guys are kinda plodding along and you have some good days and some bad days but nothing to REALLY upsets the apple cart, so things move so slow. That's ok if your ok with it, but I know your not. SO huh, I never though of an affair as even having a good side, but in this case it did.Right beefore he came back home he agreed to C. and I have to say it has helped sooo much. A good C. makes all the difference in the world. She keeps us on track cause you tend to go back to old habits until you form new ones and put them into play for awhile and then they start to seem natural like the old ones did. Alot of peoeple say C did them no good-I say if your both in there because you want to work on your M. You had the WRONG C. I now see how wrong I was to turn my H away all those yrs. Even without the A it was wrong. It'll never happen again. It is something that brings you closer to each other, makes you vulnerable which breeds closeness, which breeds love. Rachael M.
