Today I have decided that I am SOOOOOOvery tired of feeling anxious all the time. I'm going to give it my all to just "let go". Let go of trying to imagine what the future holds, let go of wondering if he is having any contact with the OW (this will be a toughy,but I'll do My best). 9 months is long enough to have NO life, and I mean none. I have been living for trying to save my M. I still want to work on it and will continue to DB like crazy. I reread almost the whole DR book today. It was good fro me to read the part about get oa life for yourself. IT will make me more attractive, plus I will start to feel alive again instead of the walking dead. I can't beleive what I've become. I want to look attractive to myself-and I don't mean "looks", I mean in who I am. When I look attractive to myself, I think I will start to look that way to others, including my H.IT all starts right here, tonight. Thanks fro the encouragement Andy-your right-things have already improved sop much. Look where I was 6 months ago! HE's home, and loves me, and wants to work on the M, says the A is kaput-over,so I have alot to be thankful for. I can use this time off as a time to heal and decide what The heck I want to do with the rest of my life. I will discuss it with my H, but ultimatly it is my decision. I don;t think I cna go vack to my job-I absolutley HATE it. I want to do something totally different than what I've been doing and I think nursing may be it. I guess I just got sick and tired enough of being sick and tired. Brighter days lie ahead! Rachael M.
