Haven’t had much time lately, so I’ll try to catch up.
You’re right again, JJ. It’s all about being the best you can be. I think that where I may have failed is that I tried to be the best person I could be, but W saw ulterior motives. From the start of my DB efforts, I always said that my goal was to become the person (in actions) who my inflated ego thought I was.
Initially, I tried (admittedly not always successfully) to lower my expectations of W. Also, to lower my demands. But she viewed this as me taking on a victim mentality. So, I kept it up. Eventually, W saw that my motives weren’t all selfish. But when I started making my desires known, she balked again. In our latest OR talk, she basically told me that my “needs” were excessive.
She bases her perception on our differences. Her needs being “right”, and mine being “wrong”.
But you’re right about something else too, JJ. Over the long term, it’s working, so when nothing “seems” to work, I just have to keep it up.
Of course, as Rachael et al point out, I get anxious. Oh well.
Fille… I don’t feel picked on, but one area where you and I diverge is that I have a lot of emotion, and I have no intention of quelling it. Yeah, it’s hard when I get down, but my emotional nature is something that’s too important to me to give up.
I also hafta say that it often appears that I’m beating myself up over my contribution to my problems. I suppose I do sometimes, but mostly, I’m just frustrated that I can’t seem to undo it.
Rachael… All I can say is that things are better than you think. Like me, things seem to stall sometimes, but without you knowing it, it’s getting better all the time. Hang in there.
