Swan Dive off the Pedestal

[Jamesjohn]

Phoe, my dear, I think that I've been pushing a few people's buttons on various threads on this board, too, and might not really be welcomed back to a few places. I don't always tell people what they really want to hear. But you know what? That don't bother me a bit! It's definitely not the way I used to be, and, it least for me, it's been a change for the better. A more of what works for me.

I think there's a place for us in the fact we can challenge ideas that people cling to, to either help them see a different perspective on things, or to maybe help them to reinforce what they are comfortable with.

The changes have to start and continue within us. We have more power in our lives than we often believe.

The microscope / telescope analogy has had some significance in my life very recently.

One of the major issues in our relationship has been my wife's problems with depression. About 3 weeks ago, I had about enough of it, was ready to toss in the towel, and walkaway. I just didn't want to deal with it anymore, I figured that things weren't ever gonna get any better. She wasn't "fixing" herself the way I wanted her to, and I was seeing the situation in the microscope.

Forunately, she and our son went on a vacation, and were gone for about 10 days. This gave me a chance to step back, and look at things through my telescope. It gave me a chance to look at where we were before vs. where we are now, instead of where we are now vs. where I thought we should be.

Two years ago, during our separation, my wife would often spend the day in the closet just to hide from people, and from life. Things seemed pretty hopeless. After I moved back in, things were a LITTLE better, but not much. She was taking a lot of meds to ease her pain, which didn't help the problem a bit, only made it worse, made her a zombie. Slowly, we started weaning her off the meds, and began having good "hours" every couple of days. She was still spending most of her days hiding in the bedroom.

She's been getting better everyday, more good days than bad. And the bad days ain't anywhere near as severe as they used to be.

There's a helluva lot more to this story, but I'll get to my point now!

The BIG thing I wanted to have happen for our R was for my wife to get "cured" of her depression. I had some pretty specific plans, with some pretty specific time frames. Things aren't exactly happening according to my plans. But, hey, you know what? They ARE happening.

I was kinda tweaked last month because my wife either sleeps in until 10, or, if she wakes up early and doesn't see the sun, she decides it's going to be a "gray" day for her. I was having problems in my work life, and was growing resentful over her "stuff".

When I was able to look through my telescope, and see how far we've actually come in a relatively short amount of time, I felt much, much better. Some of my actions that I thought weren't working actually WERE working, only not in my time frame. Looking at it now, I'm glad she's working through it on her time frame, because her changes are more likely to happen and take a stronger hold that way.

ANS, as you see, I can sometimes ramble on, so I don't know how much you want me to come visit!