Wow! Lotsa great posts here!

Thanks for the vote of confidence Rachael, and thanks for your well wishes, Lily.

Fille says I have the urge to discuss and dismiss. I hope that’s not what I’m doing. What I try to do is discuss and adapt the advice to my sit. Tho… I guess I have to admit that I dismiss some of it too [Roll Eyes]

I agree with that wise woman you quoted, JJ. But something I always post to people is that “what works” is a moving target. I agree that it’s a challenge to let go of what doesn’t work, but sometimes it’s an even bigger challenge trying to figure out what works. Especially over the long term.

Rachael put it quite nicely…

quote:
Originally posted by Rachael M:

In Andy's defense I think he's tried just about everything humanly possible, but it seems some things work for awhile and then they don't, so its very confusing. Excuse me Andy if I am misinterpreting your S. It's just my observation of your posts. What do you do when NOTHING you do works? Nothing?
The key word in that quote is “seems.” It seems like something works and then it stops. It’s been my experience that things seem to be going great, and POW! It seems like nothing’s changed. Of course the converse is also true. Sometimes it seems like nothing’s changed and POW! The spouse has a humanity attack.

There’s nothing black and white about it. I find that if something stops working, I have to ask myself why. Is it a permanent change that would require me to permanently change my behavior, or is it a temporary thing requiring that I only suspend that behavior?

I find that in most cases, if something that has worked stops working, it’s temporary.

So to answer our question, Rachael, when nothing works, do nothing. Later, when the time seems right, try something. It may be something you’ve already tried, or it may be something new, but sometimes “what works” is a matter of timing.

If I sound more “up” today, it’s because things are working better than yesterday. Sometimes, I take the opportunity to snuggle a little with W at morning coffee time. Does it work? Not always. Sometimes, she retracts. Sometimes she just wants to sleep. Her coffee gets cold.

This morning, we drank our coffee, I snuggled, and she caressed my neck. All was right in the world.

Tomorrow? Who knows?

The movement is always forward, Lily. As long as we look at the long term. Of course, sometimes the short term gets us down. I'm not immune to that either.

TTFN,
Andy

Andy