Chorme, we all hurt for you (hell, we all hurt for each other), but you must take charge of the things you can take charge of.
Stop listening to the music that just intensifies your ache. (After I got a divorce, over 30 years ago, I couldn't listen to the radio for TWO YEARS because EVERY song made me cry.)
Stop dwelling in your mind on the pain-- ESPECIALLY late at night.
Can't sleep? Then, as Lou says, do something to distract yourself... clean, build something, watch the food network.
When I can't sleep, I lie quietly and say over and over again slowly, in time with my breaths, "Be" (on the in-breath) "still" (on the out-breath). I focus only on the words and when I find myself thinking distressing thoughts, I bring myself back to those two words.
You CAN do this. But you must take a grownup, proactive approach. You must make the decision and the commitment to help yourself.
Millions and millions of other people throughout recorded and unrecorded history have lived through emotional pain far worse than anything we on this board suffer... and they got through it. This is what I told myself over and over again after my husband died.
I am so convinced that you are a 4-- you seem like the reincarnation of a 19th century romantic poet. I don't mean that in a bad way-- those are some of my favorite people!
But 4's (like them, like us) can get stuck in some VERY dark places and to attempt to distract themselves or make themselves feel any better feels inauthentic and futile to them. But they (we) are wrong. Those things DO help. The healing of your own soul is in your hands, and you CAN do this. You CAN get through your days. You have the tools and the skills.
