If you really do have thoughts of suicide...and believe you are fundamentally flawed (which I assure you, you aren't)...I'm believing, more and more that you would benefit from anti-depressants. There's very likely a chemical imbalance (that you have no control over) making your life much more difficult for you than it needs to be. That chemical imbalance can take something that would normally be fairly easy to deal with and make something so huge and insermountable out of it that thoughts of suicide or running away seem reasonable.
Sincerely my friend...at the very least talk to your C or your MD about this, let them be aware of what you are thinking and where you are at...they honestly may be able to help you.
