Quote: Maybe I haven't shown my appreciation for her efforts as much as I should. Hmmm. How to do that without sounding like a placating wimp?
Showing sincere gratitude for something done out of love is hardly being a "placating wimp." Hmmmm... you ARE in a bad place.
chrome, you do NOT have a fundamental flaw in you that sets you apart from the rest of humankind. But I know that one can get into a place where it seems like you do. To me, that's what Sylvia Plath meant by the Bell Jar. You're in this glass enclosure but you feel alien to everyone and everything around you. This is a feeling and it is coming from someplace in you that needs to be addressed, however-- and this is very important-- it is an illusion. It is a real feeling, but the situation you imagine IS an illusion. That is cold hard logic talking to you. The feeling is telling you that reality is a certain way, but the reality is NOT that way. So it is the FEELING that needs to be dealt with (and the C is a good place to do that), but reassure yourself LOGICALLY that the reality is okay. Please don't lets get into a "yes but" contest here. What I'm saying to you is true... I'm throwing you a piece of driftwood to cling to.
Many of the articles I've been posting recently are about how our ego (meaning our real world personality, the sum of our experiences, beliefs, etc. -- do not use the word "ego" interchangeably with the word "pride"-- that's not what I'm talkin' about)... anyway our ego presents certain things to us in a very convincing way. Those things need to be received and examined, because there is a positive intention at the base, albeit presented often in a very ineffective and possibly even destructive way.
But there are no enemies inside of you. All of the parts and entities within you want what is good for you. It's just that some of them are two years old or even younger and can't be allowed to drive the bus. But you should indeed listen to them-- to their TRUE intent.
Try focusing on this "fundamental flaw" in you and asking it, "What do you want for me?" And then when you "get" an answer, not an answer that you have "figured out," but one that spontaneously pops up, ask it again, "If I fully and totally have <whatever it wants>, then what more do you want for me that is even more important?" Keep asking this, each time, prefacing the statement with, "Okay, if I HAVE that, then what more do you want for me?"
Notice we are not asking "what do you want FROM me," but "what do you want FOR me." Even this so-called flawed part wants something positive FOR you... maybe to keep you safe from being hurt, or to make you stronger than anyone, or to numb your pain... something along those lines.
You are NOT uniquely tainted, corrupt, or flawed. The essential part of you is just as perfect and unflawed as the day you were born-- as your own children are. The abuse that you suffered warped your ego (your real world interactive part, Block refers to it as the Identity System in Come to Your Senses). But that part is like clothing you are wearing... or more like a suit of armor. Inside and underneath that you still ARE the unflawed soul and you can still reach into that well and be refreshed.
I'm not making this up.
It's interesting that people come to this board presenting sexual issues, convinced that if their partner would just step up to the plate sexually, everything would be fine. But there are other doors in other rooms behind that first door. I thought (and even wrote) that if my bf stopped drinking everything would be fine. Alas, we are here to work and grow, and life keeps presenting us with opportunities to do just that.
P.S. I also have a hotmail address with this name.
