I try to be the master of looking at things from W's perspective, but I just can't figure things out right now.
That's why I want to talk. I want to explain that though I try, I just can't figure her perspective out. I want to tell her that if she chooses not to reveal her perspective, I'm OK with that, but it leaves things open to misinterpretation.
Maybe she's struggling with her privacy v.s. my right to know about things that affect me. I don't know.
All I know right now is that W is feeling down right now, and I'm at the centre of it.
So, to answer your question, Rachael. I don't think it's the time to write her a letter, or in fact to ask her what she wants from me.
I really don't know what to do right now.
Hi Andy, You can still use what Rachael advises as a tool. Perhaps you can suggest that she takes a moment to write down her thoughts and her feelings. This would help give her an emotional release and if she allows you to read it, would help give you some insight on her perspective. However, I won't ask of her what she wants from you which in turn could cause her to withdraw even more.
As to what you can give her ... support thru companionship. Just let her know through your actions that you are physically and emotionally there for her when she wants it. Do not initiate anything. When you are together, let her talk first, just listen and validate you hear what she is saying. By initially offering no more support than companionship will help her accept the support is not motivated by your self-interest.
This all relates to my own sich in that my W also has a very difficult time talking to me about herself. A big Catch 22 is when that the fear factor occurs when I ask why she is so afraid to tell me how she feels or what is on her mind no matter how gently I try to ask. This even magnifies when her depression comes back and she withdraws even further. However, she does takes to writing when she feels depressed and then leaves it out where I will see it.
In the dept. of "what works...", my W did confide in me that the biggest impact on her was that I there for her when she needed it, especially when she felt depressed and lonely.
Hope you might find something in this that might help. 'til later,
