OK, GH, I've got to throw down my 2 cents that the OM is not out of the picture. I don't mean that she's necessarily continuing a PA, but the fantasies are still in her head for sure ... and that's really the same thing in terms of your M, because she's really not 100% committed to you or the M, no matter what she says.
In a sitch with active fantasies, any contact with the OP isn't like playing with matches, it's like playing with explosives.
Rewind my sitch to last fall ... my W has "ended" the A and "is working" to get back to a good M with me. She's actually gone to a couple counseling sessions with our pastor, and is going to church every week and praying with me every night. We are able to talk about everything, we are ML a lot, and we are seemingly on the path to a great M.
W talks to OM every few days to "make sure he's OK" because he has so many issues. OM is already dating someone else at this point. W "knows" that her A had no chance to become a LTR, because OM is incredibly immature and has so many problems. She feels incredibly stupid for starting it and is working through her guilt.
Two months later, because they kept talking, they are "in love" again and stronger than ever. My W is even helping OM cover up a crime he commmitted (theft).
I would hate to see this happen to you. I know you think it can't happen because of the way OM treated her. Take it from someone who's been there: A's are illogical, and it can happen, and it will be more devastating to you than the first bomb.
The No Contact Rule HAS to be in place. You have to insist that she treat you with some respect.
The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth." (Psalm 145:18)
