Believing, I feel EXACTLY the same and could you throw my H out with her for good measure?
GH, For what it's worth, this is what I think. Mind you, it could be contrary to everyone else here and I am not as eloquent with my words as some.
I believe our sitch's are very similar. Our S's have decided, for whatever reason, to stay in the marriage. BUT, and I know you don't like buts.....I believe the reason for the lack of intimacy is the fact that the OP is still in the picture at some level. I'm so sorry. Whether they are still seeing them, and have become masters at deceit, or they still talk to them or still think about them. It doesn't matter, THAT, I believe is the barrier.
Tonight my H kept complaining how much his back and neck hurt, I kept offering a backrub and he kept refusing. I finally said "I won't bite you, you know"
Tomorrow we are going to the next state to a waterpark mini vaca, I asked him if he still wants to go. He said absolutely it will be great for us. WTF? This from a man that can't even kiss me goodnight or SAY ILY? (He can write it, just not say it)
Sorry for rambling.....anyway, we both are knee deep in DB land, if saving our marriage is still what we want.
Therefore, my advice to you, should you take it, would be to step back a bit. For real. You are trying so hard and she is just not responding. Your pride and ego are being stomped on over and over again. GH, how much more can you take? I don't care what she thinks, but you should really consider stopping the backrubs.....really.....why should she get what she wants??? What if you wanted a backrub? Would you get one? You and I my friend, are both a little afraid to piss our S's off. We don't want to rock the boat. But at what price are we paying? We are sacrificing our own needs. It is time to re-read DR, AGAIN and realize that we are going down cheeseless tunnels. What can we do different?????? That is your homework my friend. Who loves ya? Mama does, we have been in this together for a long time, let's see if we can exit at the same time too?
