I don’t think we disagree, but are just looking at things from a slightly different angle. In a certain respect, your experiences were similar to my W, and mine are similar to Sage.
My point about Sage/me is that if I hadn’t had such horrific childhood experiences with divorce. If I hadn’t obtained so much insight from people like you, the web… even my W, I could have lost hope for my M and may have tried to find the missing piece elsewhere.
I’m not special, but my background experiences are unique, and mine alone. They influence not only my character, but also my perception. I don’t think my character is any stronger than Sage’s, but I’ve been lucky enough to have the aforementioned influences on my perception.
There’s never been any doubt in my mind that you honour your commitments. You wouldn’t be here if you didn’t, and no-one would blame you if you chucked the whole thing. Sage broke the contract. To many people, that releases you from your obligations to the contract. The very fact that you choose to keep up your end of the bargain speaks volumes about your character.
Like I said in my initial post, the pedestal analogy is usually interpreted as setting unrealistic expectations. I think that this is the interpretation my W had when she mentioned it.
But I choose to think of it in a slightly different (perhaps idealistic) way. Insofar as I love and respect my W, I will choose to turn a blind eye to her faults and concentrate on the positive.
You’ve often said that love is a choice. By extension, I think it’s our choice how we look at other people. I choose to love and respect my W. I choose to look at her positive traits.
It may not sound like it when I get frustrated. But, hey. I’m human too, and sometimes my emotions get the better of my intellectual choices.
A lot of the ladies who rallied around me at the end of my last thread got pretty mad at my W. But, rightly or wrongly, W feels like I treated her badly in the past. Perhaps she even felt like a doormat. She’s not out for revenge, but I know she thinks that if she puts me back on the pedestal, I’ll only look down on her and wipe my feet on her.
I know she wants to love and respect me but she’s human, too. Sometimes her emotions can overpower her choices, too.
