Quote: Who cares why W called OM? Maybe she was just returning a sad-sack call from him ..maybe she knew he was busy and wouldn't have to speak with him at that moment and left a message...my point - who knows - there could be a billion reasons why.
Yep.
Quote: I think the real problem is that you don't have a no contact boundary. If you did, then her calling him would be an issue. On one hand, you say you don't have a problem with her seeing him at the gym, but yet you have a problem with her calling him? That's a little confusing. Personally, I would be more wary of their physical meeting than whatever they're talking about over the phone. But, that's just me.
I agree. Actually, I didn't think I needed a no contact boundary because I foolishly believe my W when she said she didn't WANT to contact him for anything, and her litany of reasons why that was. I guess I somehow trusted her. Dunno what that was about.
Anyway, as for me being "ok" with them having contact at the gym, I am NOT ok with this. She has just told me (on her own mind you) that she has seen him a couple times since they "stopped" seeing each other. He supposedly left that gym (he's a trainer remember) but has friends that still work there so... She CLAIMS they didn't speak or "meet", just that she saw him there. To me, there was nothing to be "ok" about.
Also, I am not upset that she may have called him for all the reasons you stated. If I was upset, I would not have been as calm as I have been, and I assure you, I am.
Quote: For some reason, GH, you still suspect something is going on.
This is REALLY tricky. Let me see if I can explain. I actually DON'T think anything's going on. I KNOW she has opportunity still but as I have said in the recent past, I truly don't FEEL his presence in our lives right now. That does NOT mean, however, that I am sure he doesn't have something to do with our "barrier". It could be the memory of him, or his calls to her cell, or whatever. I seriously, no matter how much I freaked this morning, don't think there is anything "going on" beyond MAYBE a phone call or something like that.
That said, I would really like it if he never called or had any contact with her again, but I don't see that as a requirement right now, at least in terms of any MAJOR shift in my plans.
Quote: Because maybe that suspicion is what is holding you back in other areas as well. Almost like you can't give yourself whole-heartedly because of this lingering doubt.
I don't think I have held much of anything back. If anything, I have given too much, too soon. That is what I am worried about as much as anything right now.
Quote: OK...the pulling back thing. Letting her pursue YOU a bit. I agree with this. Time to change the dance? If anything, it's a CHANGE. lol Make her a wonder about you. Part of Dbing is changing course when necessary.
NM, you nailed it. That is what this is all about. I guess I know I need to change it up somehow and I suppose all this OM stuff was about making sure I didn't change in a direction that was inappropriate to the state of my sitch, if you get my drift. I am hearing the voice of OT (hmmm, wonder what that sounds like, lol) in my head telling me to not be in the R any more than she is. In my mind, that meant finding out if she was still OM bound (not that I did that mind you) so that I could use that info to make it easier to pull back.
If anything, that's why I probably resisted shippd's advice so much, because I knew I was using OM crap to prop myself up, give myself something to rally against again, when I know damn well that the rally point is simply not there.
Is there still some clean-up to do in terms of the OM chapter of our lives? Sure there is. COULD she be seeing him on the ultra-sly? Yep, but that's not where I am going to dwell. These days with my W, OTHER than the intimacy stuff, have been some of the best days we have had in years. Today, after all this even, W the kids & I had a wonderful time. There was no tension, just lots of smiles, fun and laughter. I won't trade that in for clarity right now, I just won't. Now is time to focus on the positives and if the negatives are that strong, they can come and get me because I am walking very far into the light.
