Sorry if I'm offering contradictory advice. All I'm trying to say is that everything is a chase. For your W to move forward, you have to enable her to chase you.
And, yes, sometimes we have to give up things that make us happy in the short term, a negative if you will, to further our long-term happiness. Over the 4th of July I really wanted to be with my H and he knew this. Instead I decided to go out of town. I think it made him realize that not only am I not going to be constantly accessible to him but that he wanted to see me more than he realized.
There must be a way to take small steps back from your W that don't push her to the point of being pissed off. Perhaps tell her that she is right that you both need more time or that you need to take a step and sort out your own feelings.
Try and explain to her you understand it's not her thing but it will only take 5 minutes and a very long back massage is in it for her. I can't remember how I got my H to take it but I had him take it for himself and for me and then did the same. We were close but got a few things off. So stop guessing what your W wants. Maybe you can tell her that she said she would rather you be direct with her and this is part of that.
I'm not sure if that clarified anything or added to the confusion.
But, whatever you do, don't bring up the om or start a R talk. Really this is not so much about her leaving him, as about your W coming back to you. Have a little faith in your W's love for you.
