Ah muddle...my long winded brother from another mother. At least I'm not the only one who can fill up the screens with type, lol. Thanks again for being around right now.
Quote: Might not be a bad thing to create some "issues" of your own. Again, only because I think I can relate to your sitch through mine, I have to draw on some assumptions I have about how certain motivations work in my W. I think that because she's threatening the R, all the power is in her hands, and she likes this.
Yep. Not much more to say. I think you are right on with this yet...
Quote: Oh, and if you figure out how to do this without doing something really drastic, let me know!
I can't. I swear I've tried. I know I tell people all the time to not worry about what their spouse will do, or say in response to something THEY want to do, but when it comes to physical intimacy, or lack thereof, there is a somewhat different set of rules...i think. I know that I actually LIKE rubbing her back. It's pleasurable to me and she knows I like doing it. For me to stop doing that, she will instantly know that I am depriving myself AS WELL as her of something we both enjoy...for what? To make a point? To get sex? To pressure her into reciprocating? I don't know, but what I do know is that there DOES SEEM to be some progress being made and it's all in how she's reacting to the rubbing, i.e. noises, seeming to enjoy it more and more, so I am really hesitant to end that just to take a gamble that time and gradual build up is NOT what is needed here.
I can't figure out how to do this without, as you say, averting a crisis. I know a crisis may be needed but damn if it isn't hard to tell if it's the right thing to do.
Shippd asked me if I was acting, or NOT acting because of fear and I guess the honest answer is yes, I am afraid of making the wrong choice. I am not convinced AT ALL that my W doesn't just need a bit more time to "get there".
Quote: Also, what do you mean by WORKED? Are you again using her happiness as an index of how well you loved her?
Well, in terms of HER perception of my love, yes. The 5 Love Languages talks a lot about making sure we learn to express love in our SPOUSES language, not our own (and yes, that we learn to understand their language as well). I really believe in what that book talks about and basically that is what all this paragraph was about.
Quote: Yes, you do have every right to do with yourself as you please.
That's the problem...too much doing with myself and not enough doing with her
