First, (((((((((GH)))))))))). I know you are really having a hard time lately.
I know you don't want to do this because you can see you are making progress, but you must BACK OFF. You are no longer in crisis mode. Your W has committed to staying in your M and she said she ended the A right? If the answer is yes, then you are in rebuilding mode. And that means you have to give her at least some mystery as well as some opportunity to pursue you.
The fact that you have changed how you interact with your W is important but that is only half of the equation. I haven't seen any evidence of you giving her any opportunity to pursue you. You rub her back, you tell her she is sexy and you are always available when she needs you. This is nice, but it will only let her take you for granted and they are all physical things.
How have you shown her you love and appreciate her in non-physical ways. (Have you done the 5 languages of love yet? If not, I would highly suggest doing so.) I know that until I really understood why my H needed physical touch and compliments about how nice he looks it pissed me off that he was so needy for them. Perhaps your W feels the same way, so nearly all touching is going to be interpreted as unwanted. I know you have overanalyzed every aspect of your sitch (as have we all) but I'm not sure you have really learned to tune in to your W's love language.
I have noticed that the less my H and I talk about the ow or our M the more things move forward. So as much as you want to, do not have an R talk. If she brings things up, what she really wants is for you to listen to her.
Please, GH, don't be afraid of taking temporary steps back for the sake of overall forward movement.
