I’m going to forgo the usual recap. I suppose my recap is included in my response to the latest posts on my last thread, so her it goes:
quote:Originally posted by Fille onBalance (Page 6): Hey Andy, you're sounding better albeit super tired and frustrated. Still hear a little second wind tho.
What have you been doing to help you to get as reasonably over your humps? I mean in learning how to retrain yourself and old ways of doing things. Maybe a little short time councelling is an idea to pursue a bit? I can't remember if you mentioned it. Sometimes it's nice to go somewhere to get all the junk out and if you're paying then it's a safe zone. I did it for a while...she was very neat and understood I wasn't necessarily looking for solutions from her but I sure needed to get many years of garbage out and she was great for me.
I don't open up to too many people. Most people just don't really know what to do with it and I wouldn't expect them to anyway. It's still nice to have trusted someones who you can lean on in a pinch.
You know, IGgy & I are in the throes of what in the past would have been catastrophic times. It hurts but I still just can't get away from how different it is. We're both so tired and I think we've both been changing a lot over the time too. He's being a right bastard and I'm not taking possession of his reverting...yet believe it or not...it's different. We aren't reacting like we did even when we (mostly he) slips back into old habits that are hard to break. It's actually a huge blessing. Maybe you guys are finding your way around to that sort of thing? I hope so.
Thinking of ya and glad to see you making it thru ok. I've said it before...you're growing and changing too. It's quite noticable. That's bound to cause more rough waters.
Yes, Fille. I’m tired. Had to work late Friday night and all day Saturday. W was out with S#1 all day Sunday, and Monday it was back to the grind. Frustrated? Yup. But right now, I’m a little too tired to feel it.
I’m not sure how you see so much growth in me. The longer this goes on, the more resigned I am to the status quo. Maybe that’s growth but I still resist (when I have the energy). I’m very afraid of apathy. Despite W’s perception, I’ve always cared deeply about OR. Apathy is a 180 that I don’t want.
First day back after being away from the munchkins for 18 days. They missed me so very much. . .my time goes to them today.
I haven't had a chance to catch up on any posts. I am aware that you've hit a bump. I know that you are going to DB your way around it and go on past into the future.
Andy, until your wife humbles herself and seeks medical attention she will have to deal w the fatigue and low libido.
When I recall the way I was a couple of years ago it is easy for me to understand how she would put herself before you. I couldn't see the tree (Sage) for the forest (all the demands on me). I ate sugar to obtain false energy and drank wine to relax me. Everything was stressful and I remember thinking "something's gotta go". It was my spousal relationship that was given the short end.
In my situation it was perimenopause and an undx thyroid condition.
I had to hit bottom before I could put my pride aside and seek medical help.
Here's where your wife and I differ.
You are holding onto yourself (your integrity) and are monagamous because of a vow you made to yourself. (From Passionate Marriage). You are a compassionate man who loves his wife in sickness and in health, for better or for worse.
What a lucky woman she is. (All us ladies here on the bulletin board know this, Andy!!!)
Andy I don't know what to do to help you except to pray that she will go to the doc and that the doc will suggest doing a t panel.
Meanwhile, be patient.
Andy, it took 8 months for my libido to be restored after starting meds. It would have been so . . .beautiful if Sage had been able to hold on to himself.
One day he will realize what he almost lost.
You will never have to go through what is in front of him.
Yes, Lily. I’m a compassionate guy. But I wouldn’t sell Sage short on that either. It’s hard to maintain your compassion in the face of rejection. It’s easy for me to see how Sage could give up on you if that’s the way he felt. That’s not a condemnation of you, but only an observation about how his perception of your R could make him lose hope. From his perspective, it’s not a matter of what he almost lost. For him, it was lost.
Now, it’s a matter of him realizing that he can get it back.
I’m not so special. I haven’t followed Sage’s path. Not because I have some inflated sense of integrity, but only because I never lost hope.
There’s something in our latest OR talk that sticks out in my mind. W told me that she used to put me on a pedestal, and that the fall off the pedestal was a long drop for both of us. I have to agree. Perhaps she doesn’t realize that I put her on a pedestal too.
But the implication of the pedestal analogy is that it’s wrong to put your spouse on a pedestal. I disagree with that. I think it’s right and proper to put your life partner on a pedestal. To my mind, it’s a matter of seeing their positive traits and ignoring the negative ones. Is that so wrong?
If it is, then I’d rather be happy than right (Lily, that philosophy is such a gem!)
Friends can drift apart or move away. Children eventually go out into the world and make their own lives.
But your spouse is for life.
I love my wife with the intensity of 1000 suns. Sorry if that’s wrong.
