Shippd, I am not afraid of her reaction. If I ask her about something and her reaction is to leave the marriage, then I guess there wasn't much to build on anyway.
IF I am afraid of something, and I am not sure I am, is that my timing may not be right. Like I said shippd, I am not nearly as much motivated my hatred of limbo as you were. I KNOW you had to get *there* before you could finally let go. I am no better than you, just different. I let go very early on and am working to grab on again. It's just a different approach. My problem is in re-learning how to be direct instead of suppressing my feelings.
In this respect I think you are on to something, but I truly don't think it's fear that prevents me from talking to her.
Quote: it still needs fixed, and she is not really doing anything in regaurds to that goal.
Well, that idea is core to DB and so long as my marriage is in "crisis mode" which I think it is, I will continue to take much more of the burden for working on it. I KNOW this is a two person process but I also feel that pressure to move faster then she wants to move can be counterproductive...just like NOT saying anything can be. It's a line I am walking and I just have to hope I know what I am doing.
Quote: but my friend please dont be affaid of talking to her about your marriage, you have feelings as well and she needs to know those feelings
Well, actually, my FEELINGS have not changed. I think that's why DB advocates no R talk because we end up saying the same things over and over again in an attempt to get them to REALLY hear us and thinking that if they REALLY heard us, they would stop this insanity. I don't believe in that. I KNOW my W knows how I feel and what I want. Me telling her for the 50th time would not change anything. If anything, I just need to do something different, or keep doing the same thing...longer.
