GH - I'm really sorry to hear that you have reason to doubt her again. I have read that there's a withdrawal period (I guess time for grieving the loss of this OP) that restarts every time contact is resumed. If she has in fact been contacting him, this is keeping alive her fantasy and indeed maintaining the wall between you two.
As far as confronting her goes, you know she's going to be upset that you betrayed her by invading her privacy. But the fact is that she's probably going to take this position regardless of your approach. If she's in the least bit guilty, she'll pass the blame off on you. So, that said, maybe you should tell her that you haven't gotten a clear picture yet of whether this OM issue has been resolved on her part, or whether she has committed to no contact. Maybe you can come at it more from an angle of compassion - "I know this period must be hard for you - I'd like to be there for you in any way possible." This IS the truth, right? You're not being deceptive if you tell her this.
You always say that snooping give you a false snapshot of what is actually going on. I guess what I'm saying here is that maybe you ought to try and get the BIG PICTURE from her, rather than asking her for some of that snapshop information so you can tell if she's lying or not.
“No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it. ” – Albert Einstein
