Quote: If you can talk to her about her experiences with him, as if he were an old BF, you R will be closer to liberated.
Ok, I agree with this. In time, I think we may be able to do this, but you know what, we don't even talk about old BF's and GF's in our relationship so...
Quote: I can relate to this. I often look at my W and think or tell her how amazing and womanly she is, but until she feels this - and that will take her acting the way she expects a woman to act - my words mean nothing. So how does one set up a situation in which a female has no choice but to act like a woman?
See my last post...
Quote: do you stop needing, or just try and find a different way of telling her? Well, the need is always going to be there, and sublimation is not something you can really consciously choose to do. So, tact is the only answer. Maybe try a completely different medium. You've been verbally direct in the past, and now you've been trying physical affection. Maybe try writing notes - and nothing more. Stop all affection and don't speak a word that could even be perceived as an advance. What have you got to lose?
Sorry to be obtuse, but as I have stated in my past threads, my W HATES when I write to her. Since I am a writer, she thinks it's all BS when I write since I can edit my words. She respects it MUCH more when I effectively communicate with her verbally.
THAT SAID, I do like your idea of the little notes. I went with that for a few days, and I DID drop all the other stuff, but I think I stopped too soon.
You know muddle, as much as you say I cannot sublimate my needs, I think since I have literally tried just about every approach known to THIS man, laying off, giving her space to WANT ME for a change and not chasing her so much might be the key. I have NOT tried that since things have gotten better. I know some women need to be pursued but you know what, I THINK W THOUGHT she was pursuing OM until she found out that he was after her money (which we don't have, lol, can't help that she drives a nice car) and really set her up. The point is that I think she LIKED the idea of WANTING HIM and having to DO something about it instead of knowing that affection/passion/romance was there, waiting for her around every corner (hint:that's what it's like with me). I could be wrong, but I think this is the only thing left try. After that, it's really all chalked up to time and maybe sticking with something long enough for it to work. In the end, I am trying to just get past this new first time, to a place where my NEWFOUND realizations of what our R was missing can take over and I can show her that I FINALLY DO GET IT and can BE the man who allows her to feel like a woman, in and out of the bedroom.
Quote: I would work towards the latter. Maybe by putting yourself in a somewhat vulnerable position - taking a large emotional risk - will give your W incentive to open up a bit with you. Show her that you trust her - maybe she'll return the gesture.
I agree and I will give this a lot more thought. I think most of what I am thinking (other than the idea to go "dark" on the intimacy attempts) leads to being much more open, but NOT more demanding. Just laying out there what I feel and trusting her with that. It's something that admittedly I have not done much of in the past 8 months...with good reason.
