Ok, today's thoughts are on the fact that I feel guilty a lot of the time I am around W because for the first time in a LONG time, I am truly happy and I act that way. Sure, I am frustrated at my sitch, but for the most part, I am a ball of joy around the house. I am working on NOT feeling bad because I feel good. It seems like a no-brainer but it's one of my BIG issues and a sure sign of codependency.
W on the other hand is miserable much of the time. Not because of our sitch (I don't think) but because the kids are out of school, there are residual DUI things to take care of, money is short (also due in some part to the DUI) and her parents are being d!cks to her. She just doesn't smile that much.
The good news is that when she DOES smile, it's usually because of something I did, so that's good I guess.
I really just wish she could find happiness, and do it from within our marriage. I KNOW I can't give that to her but I would love to contribute to her motivation (lol, muddle) to become happier on her own and then to allow me to contribute directly to her happiness in the form of loving deeds.
These past few weeks have been a strong test of my detachment and I have failed some and succeeded a lot. She is down a lot but I don't allow that to bring me down, nor do I get angry at her mood like I used to. I usually ask her once if there is anything she wants to talk about or something I can do to help, give her a big hug, then I leave her alone. BIG change for me.
Other than that, not much else going on. Hopefully more to report (good) tomorrow.
