T-bone, I am very happy for you! I know you have waited a long time for some significant change in your W. I think you saw it coming and then when it wasn't there when you wanted it to be you felt lost again and discouraged. I want to change my behavior,but my behavior seems to be running me these days. I am trying very hard to overcome all the self doubt and feelings of low self esteem that come along with the discovery of an Affair. My biggest fear of course is can he be trusted? That has me in a panic state most of the time and I don't know how to calm myself from it. I couldn't take another betrayal-this one shattered me into fragments. I'm not anywhere near where I need to be with my PMA and I know that's not good. I am strong in front of my H and that's about all I can say. Otherwise I sit around fretting if he is talking to her still or seeing her and I don't know how to stop. How do you STOP?? I feel so alone in all this as you can't keep hashing it ocver with your friends or family so you just keep it to yourself or come here to post your feelings. I want so bad to be his best friend,just like you wanted to be your W's, and also for her to say ILY. My h says ILY but does not act like my best friend. He says conversation is strained between us-it's because he won't open up with me. I feel like I'm being compared to the OW in that respect. How do we get past this to where we are talking to eash other as friends? He's gone for 8 days now so I won't have the chnace to see him face to face until next sunday. I was so afraid yesterday that he saw the OW or called her to say goodbye. I have no way of knowing if I can trust. How do you move past that? DO you know any way? I am so plagued by this mistrust that it is eating me alive. I wish I knew how to detach from it. Enjoy where you are with your W. It will only get better as time passes, that's what I beleive for us too. It's what keeps me going. I keep thinking in time I will trust him again and I can start to live a normal life again. The other day when I was at rock bottom I just kept crying, asking myself where did my happy life go? We used to be so happy and carefree, now I feel trapped in this nightmare. I just want my life back T-bone. I know you can understand that. Thanks for responding,I REALLY am happy for you! Rachael M.
