Thanks for finding this info GH. It is very helpful. Patience is my weakness as well. I'm like this in all aspects of my life - I want instant gratification.
Again, we should be grateful at the progress that we have made in saving our M's. It appears to me that my H wants to remain in our M. Just as I have a hard time trusting him, he may not trust me either. He may not trust that the new person I am learning to become is for real. He has all kinds of issues he needs to deal with on his own, on his own time table.
I am learning to break the pursuit cycle. I am an emotional pursuer who reduces my anxiety by sharing feelings and seeking close emotional contact. My H is an emotional distancer who reduces his anxiety by withdrawing. The more he withdraws, the more I pursue. I accuse him of being cold and unresponsive then he accuses me of being hysterical and controlling. I am learning to take care of myself. I have been spending real quality time with my kids during the day while H is at work. I have stopped calling him just to say Hi. We just go about our day. He usually ends up calling me now. I do not ask him where he has been, I would rather he say nothing than lie. Maybe in time he will start to pursue me, wouldn't that be great?!
