GH - Just a thought. Have you considered telling your wife that the stress of wondering "when" and "why" is killing you, and that from now on, you don't want any intimacy? It won't change anything, since you can't lose what you don't have, but it might provide a huge tension relief. At that point, do two things: Take charge of your time together by deciding when bedtime (togeher) is, have plans for your free time (alone or together or with kids), and tell her what they are, allowing for her opinions but not seeking her approval, etc. In short, be the man of the house, but not selfish or a jerk. Second thing? Go all-out at becoming attractive to her. I don't mean get liposuction and a toupee, but let her see you as a man women would desire: someone strong, respected by others, an intelligent force in his chosen field, successful, willing to do whatever it takes to protect his own. Sometimes, mostly out of respect for our wive's intelligence, we treat them like they're too sophisticated to feel genuine attraction - like it's something we can TALK them into, or something that "just happens". Your wife clearly loves you enormously, or she wouldn't have agreed to fight this fight. You need to end the "fight" and let her see you being the man she loves AND longs for. She needs some structure and leadership from you - it's your resolve and insistence that repairing your marriage could work that brought her this far - don't stop now! I'm not suggesting you be overbearing and ignore her thoughts, but the least attractive thing a man can be is....unsure, or indecisive. Make a plan, get her buy-in (not approval), and execute!
