Oh no, she KNOWS something is missing and has been open about what that is. She says that the only time we used to touch is when I wanted sex. She is right.
She said that the passion was missing. She said that all intimacy that WAS NOT about sex was missing. She is right.
The problem is that now that I KNOW all that (duh) I do not have the vehicle to express it. I don't have a R with my W where those kinds of things happen, or where she'll participate in intimacy that goes much deeper than a back rub every night before bed.
There is so obviously a wall but I don't know what it's about. It could be guilt. It could be residual from our history. It could be shear unattraction. It could be a growth on her...well...sorry to be gross, but my point is that I have NO CLUE why she clearly does not want things to progress past a certain point, even to kissing, something that we rarely, if ever did in the past 6-7 years. I know it's awkward for both of us, but again, she HAS to know I am risking a lot by throwing myself out there and making an effort yet she shuts me down every time.
Maybe as she's said, she's just not ready, but part of me just needs to know what the hold up is.
You know the most prevalent thought I have right now is that I would like to just run away somewhere and do something, anything else. I can't do that because of work, kids, and really my W right now, but it's what I keep thinking about.
