Quote: You did things back then to earn her intimacy. What were those things? They worked back then didn't they? Think maybe it's time to give those old tools a try and see if they still work?
Stevie, that's where my personal demons come into the picture. No, I never really did ANYTHING other than be me, which in those days was someone so deathly afraid of intimacy that I seemed ULTRA unattainable to women. Most women had the same reaction to me. MOST of the women in my past initiated a physical relationship with me but it was me who sustained it. I have always needed validation from a woman before I felt confident to pursue any kind of intimacy. With my W, she initiated ALL the intimacy in the beginning and it worked fine. Then as we progressed, she started to pull back and I was the sole initiator but somewhere along the way, our intimacy was relegated to the bedroom and all kissing, etc died.
My point is that I don't really have a "old" way to go back to. There really was never a set of tools I used to "get her" back in the day. I simply existed and that seemed to work. Sure it HAD to be more than that, but thinking back, it seems like that was about it. I was proof that people want what they can't have.
So I could go back to being aloof and distant, making her pursue me, but that stopped working long ago. Trust me, I tried that and she got pissed.
Here is what she's either told me, or I've learned through recent experience:
1) She told me as recently as 3 weeks ago that she needs more time to get back to "us" and there really wasn't anything I should be doing to help that process along. 2) She wants me to initiate 100% of the time when we DO ML. She feels that it's the mans job to do that. 3) She wants more general intimacy when she's ready for that again. 4) When I have made attempts to be more intimate, she pulls away most of the time and when she doesn't, she makes it clear that there is a line not to cross.
Like you said, I am seeing this as a problem but maybe it's one that will help fix itself by way of my growth.
I like what you said at the end...
Quote: The worst thing that could happen is that you are exactly where you are at now, right?
I say this kind of thing to people all the time...it's nice to have it said to me. You're right. Thank you.
