Quote: GH, I am SO at the same place you are, frustrated and stagnant and not knowing if I should initiate an R talk or let this ride and let H deal with his issues while I concentrate on me.
Sorry (sorta...I guess it could be MUCH worse) you're in the same place. It is hard because like I said about my recent C session, now there is no clear rallying point. There is no really battle to fight. There is only a wide open realm of possibilities and we have to try to navigate our way towards the "right" thing to do.
I know there is no such thing, and that we should not put so much pressure on ourselves, but it feels like we are faced with answering a multiple choice quesion with 1000 answers...only one of which is correct.
Quote: This has been going on for so many years that I am plum out of fresh ideas, and the old ones didn't work. Do we get another ticket and keep going on the merry-go-round?
Years? Wow, I don't know if I could do this for years. I am having trouble with one more day at this point. I commend you on your tenacity and strenth. As for the additional ticket, I guess I look at it this way; divorce is not going to solve my problems and neither is dating someone else. If all I want to do is that, I can wait.
Quote: Sounds easy, what are your ideas for "DB MUCH better" and self-improvement?
As always, I am my own worst critic. While I think I have done pretty well to this point, I know for me, settling back into this complacent life is a LOT more of the same, and decidedly NOT very DB-like. SO, for me, DBing better would be...
1) Acually finish DB...and PM while I am at it. Then apply any new things I learn from them.
2) Detach a bit more. I am still sucked in by my W's frequent mood swings and her bouts with indifference.
3) Be happy more often. I am back to being somewhat moody myself. I wasn't this way during the affair months. I trained myself to be happy, and learned what made me so. Then when my W "came back" I promptly started linking my happiness to hers and the sitch. Wrong answer. Gotta do better at not doing that.
4) General PMA.
5) Keep building my self-esteem. I have serious issues in this department that my C and I are working on.
6) Re-learn to dispense with my expectations. I have let them creep back into my life and it's starting to affect me. I need to have a beginners mind.
7) Realize that no matter how bad this seems, most people on this board, and ME, 7 months ago, would KILL to be in this position and I should not discount that fact at all. I need to be grateful that I have a marriage to work on at this point. Not that I should be grateful for her gracing me with her presense, but that I have the opportunity to do the right things now, however hard it may be to figure out what that may be.
8) Work out more. I went on a big exercise kick as part of my GAL and now I have gone back to no working out. I had an injury that prevented me from doing my normal workout but I need to get back to it now. I am going to try to take Tae Kwon Do classes with S6.
9) Smile a lot more.
There they are. 9 things I can do to make myself better.
