Here we are again, another new thread. Someday I may have to either move to a new forum or actually make some progress.
Anyway, like I said in my last post, there is not much to report. I am growing more frustrated by my sitches lack of progress and oscillate between feeling I need to DO something and thinking I need to renew my commitment to DB and refocus on myself.
Truly our life has returned to pre-affair normalcy, something that many of us say we will NEVER allow to happen. Well, it has happened to me. This is not the first time I have said that, nor the first time I have spoken of the frustration that comes along with every other part of "us" being normal, even better than ever, but the physical intimacy component missing completely.
If I am looking for small things, W did come to bed with me last night, something that she rarely does, or ever did for that matter. She usually finds some reason to stay up late. Also, I MAY be able to take some credit for that because after we put the kids down later than usual, and finished watching the World Cup match we'd taped from earlier, I didn't run upstairs to do work or play on the computer. I stayed down, watched some news and talked with W.
I am starting to realize that I may have been missing something all this time. I always thought W didn't want me hanging around downstairs all night, that she liked her "me" time. What I may have figured out is that she SAID that only after years of being FORCED into "me" time by my absence many nights, either physically or even when I was in the house, but otherwise occupied. She MAY have just decided "Know what? If he's going to leave me alone like this all the time, I am just going to embrace that and learn to like it." Of course, that thinking probably lead to the beginning thoughts of an affair...
So, I am going to work on acting "as if" she is feeling guilt but not necessarily that she doesn't want me around or doesn't want things to progress. I still may initiate a R talk sometime but as it stands, it will happen in the flow of normal conversation, not as some pre-arranged, conscious effort.
As always, I thank all of you who have been with me for any length of time. I am still here because I have found a great deal of help among you. I may be piecing but until I feel my relationship is beyond this limbo state, then I will likely stick around this forum.
