T-bone-I am very happy for your sitch! What a wonderful thing to finally think your through the MLC ordeal! What that must feel like I can only imagine.I believe Adrian is out of the tunnel and so do most of those who answer my posts, but that does not mean it is over I have come to learn. He still has his days when he is distant and I wonder what's that all about and wonder if he is having contact with the OW, but I guess we all do that. You cannot be betrayed for 2 1/2 yrs and go to instant trust no matter how much your S wants you to. They just don't seem to get that it takes a long time to rebuild it and in that time we are going to be insure and have questions and need reassurance. I understand that we cannot go around constantly asking for it,but in my case my H has asked me to come to him when I need it and I have. Some people on here say do not put the OW in front of him. She already is! She has been for a long time and I would be a fool to think that he does not think of her from time to time. Now, in what capacity he thinks of her I don't know. I wish I could ask and get an honest answer-of course honest meaning thAt it could hurt or that it would be of some comfort that its not as bad as I imagine it to be. They have this wall around them after an afair that we have to tip toe around, and I hate that. We can't say this, we can't do that. My H moved all his stuff out of the house this weekend that he had lived in while we were separated. My D and I went to help him. IT was very hard for me to be there where I know he had been with her. He had taken one of our guest room beds with him when he left. I had already told him that I did not want any of those beds coming back home. I noticed one of the beds was gone. One of the twin beds that he had gotten from "her". WEll, she actually got them from an apt. complex that she had worked at, but I had seen them together in his truck that day on the interstate-Tell me he did not say SH## when he saw my pulling up next to them. At the time I did not know about the A. I immediatley called him on his cell and asked him what SHE was doing in his truck. He told me the story that she had gotten these beds for him and they were going to pick them up. He ended up getting very defensive and hanging up on me when I was accusing him of the very thing that he WAS doing! So....when the twin bed was missing it bugged me. I did ask him where it was, and he said some guy had wanted it and had come and gotten it. He never had told me that. That bothered me. I asked him a while back if he had been to the house for anything and he said no.That was probably about a month ago. When he found out he had to get the stuff out of there he said he called this guy who is very good friends with the OW, and also with my H because he works for an apt complex and asked him if he knew anyone that needed any beds. Supposedly he knew of this person that needed a twin bed, and my H met him at the house and he picked it up. Now...hopefully that was after he told me he had not been to the house. I also asked him why he had not told me about it and explained why I was concerned knowing who those beds came from. He opologized for not telling me but said he knew I wanted nothing to do with them and did not think anything about it. Is this beliveable to you? Of course my first thought was that he had contacted her to se if she wanted them back or needed them and she had needed one. This is what I hate about all this. We have NO way of knowing if they are lying through their teeth to us. He did not get defensive, but I was also not accusing him of anything-just asking. He could be a little more forth coming with reassurance if you ask me. It just does not ring right somehow, but then when you don't trust them nothing does.It could be ligit, or it could be alot of hogwash-who knows? Not me! The thing is that in C he had said that if she ever tried to contact him he would tell me, and that he would not answer the call phone if it was her. He also said he would NOT contact her for any reason. I have to "act as if" I beleive him because not to would upset the apple cart (his apple cart) after he is the one who betrayed and lied to me for so long. It's just not fair how they get the upper hand, and we just have to sit back and be careful about everything.
I'm not sure I beleive him or not, and plan to bring it up in C. because it is UNRESOLVED for me and it will fester and he also knows that he should have told me about it. The fact that he didn't makes it all the more suspicious. IT will be interesting to see if he is his usual distant self on wed. That seems to be his distant day for some reason. Another thing to wonder about.I know-I need toget a life and stop obsessing about all this but its damn hard when you don't want to waste your life if someone is still cheating on you. It could just be the fact that I still don't trust him and everything is going to seem suspicious for awhile-A LONG WHILE. I want so badly to find out when this guy picked it up so I can find out if I will catch him in the lie that he has not been at the house for a long time. IT may be totally insignificant to him and overly significant to me. I don't want to leave well enough alone but I know I should at least until C. He has to put some effort in this too-it cannot hurt him to fully explain when this transpired. I can see him getting irritated if I ask.
Oh, and about what I want to do for me? I really have no idea except I think I want to go to school-I know I can't go back into that dead end job I was in even if it did have ecellent benefits. Should I sell my soul for good benefits?
Where will I be if he leaves me when our yougest S leaves in 2 yrs and I am in a job I hate. I'd be stuck. At least this way I'd be doing something I think I'd be happy at, and making decent money and I'd have a focus which I have none now except him and this damn affair and my anxiety. WHINE!!!!! Rachael M.

Rachael