I am very tired so I will keep this short and to the point. Be careful about venting "too much". Don't relive the sitch over and over. That isn't good. Venting is about letting off steam so we can refocus on our true goal. Kind of flushing out the system. Rachel,you talk about "trust", if he has contacted the OW, or where he is in most every post. Take what you learned in your last C session and immerse yourself in what he said. Throw that old thought pattern far behind you and don't look back. The sooner that you can do that, the sooner you will find yourself back. Now that will help your sitch big time. It is not easy to ignore the past but try to. Just see what it does for your anxiety and everything else.
I am kind of a perfectionist so I want more out of my M than some. I would rather leave and start over than live 10 years on the fence any day. I have made pretty specific demands of my W in regards to what I want in a M. I actually sounded a little like Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I told her I need the "whole thing", the fairytale. I want to love her and be loved back. I want to make "memories" together and enjoy our times together like with no other. That doesn't mean we won't disagree. It means it will be easier to be together than apart. If it can't be like that most of the time then something is very wrong.
My W "friend" was neither an EA or PA. Just someone she met in her match.com days that still keeps in touch (mostly e-mail) periodically. I snooped enough a while back to know what the R were like between W and "friends". I was most concerned with her focus on our R. My W is now much more open about her communications and has greatly cut back after my requests. We even went through last months telephone bill from her cell and work together. I was pleasantly surprised at what I found. Anyway, because she is so open about everything she does now my "curiousity" is way down. We are also spending so much time together that I don't know how she could be spending much time contacting "friends". Things are going very well now and if she wants to throw the M away I can't stop her. I worry so much less now than I used to and that must show in my attitude and actions. She chooses to be open with me, she chooses to spend time with me, and she chooses to show me affection. It is all about choices. Maybe one day soon she will choose to say ILY again. No Rachel, she doesn't say it and that really hurts me. I am sure I sound like a wimp but I need to hear that. ILY was said many times a day in my parents home. My W does tell me "you know". That derived from our ILY exchanges from the past. We will simply say "you know" instead of "you know ILY". Man, I sound like I should be on Oprah with all this "touchy, feely" crap. I will have you all know that I framed out our bar and hung 25 sheets of drywall this weekend, arrrgh!
The bottom line is that the more I just enjoy my life and don't worry about my W, the closer we become. I didn't let her "friend" helping us this weekend bother me at all, in fact, he is coming up again this week to help some more. I could easily see he and I becoming friends at some point. Here is the best part. His presence didn't affect how my W acted at all. I thought she might get "distant" but it was the exact opposite. I should just learn to quit trying to figure her out. If anything, my lack of insecurity with him around seemed to make my W "very" attracted to me all weekend. Well that is all I know. So much for my "short" post.
