Rachel you sound just like I get sometimes...OK lots of times. Guys what you said to Rachel helped me a lot too.
It is quite difficult to find peace and confidence when one's marriage is on the rocks especially if one's spouse is less than forth-coming (which is just a nice way to say that on some level they are still in deceit mode). Deceit is as hurtful as it gets because it makes people crazy when they have to live lies and can't figure out what is going on. It is agony for everybody.
My brother and sister-in-law have had a marriage on the fence for 10 years!!! But at least my brother is honest with her. My sister-in-law is going for it in her life and is doing an internship in another state for 6 months. She is like a Navy Seal always in combat. More power to her but this is not what I want from this short life. How I hope my brother will get a clue and that she will do whatever she needs to for them to put it back together. I love them both. This is the life they choose and in many ways they are happy in their non-marriage. I am not one to judge them just love them but I don't necessarily want to learn to be happy in this kind of situation. Sometimes I fear that's about as good as it gets at least in some marriages. I'd like to find peace with whatever reality I find myself in and make myself the best I can be no matter what but I then want to take a stand for the life I want and stick by it whatever the consequences. Since my H is a Jedi level Master at hiding, he makes it tough. Now I guess Michele would point out that leaving isn't any better but surely she'd advise fighting for change and setting some kind of limit. I've been here on and off for three years. My H was deceitful for our whole marriage then we had two years where it felt to me like he was committed. Now for at least a year it's very near to how it was when he was deceiving me. We have pulled each other down hill again. If all the stress is considered, I'm stronger than I've ever been and I'm headed to the "flatter more stable ground" with or without him.
Is this bad venting stuff? I can't tell but better stop and follow up on my plan for the day! 2
