I had a bad week struggling with OW thoughts and brought her up waaay too much, but I'm emerging from the hole. I think what helps is when I can pull myself out of the entire thing and focus on losing my own "selfishness."
I find when I'm selfish I focus too much on my lower emotions. Instead I try to lose that selfishness and focus on the "higher" more positive stuff. Like what do I want to learn? or what am I going to do in the garden?... things outside me. And also, just trying to be a loving, confident and more giving person.
Somehow that seems to help. I've found a lot is mindset and you have to keep it at a positive, clear, rational level.
I know there are times it's easier said than done and I 'm struggling sometimes too. But I think the more we overcome it and keep on a positive mindset the easier it will become in time.
Hang in there! You're not alone.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
I would like to just say I admire your strength and will think of you when I get upset RE : "OW" ....
My H mentions her very little only really when his sister ((my SIL)) goes to see her as they are friends,, AND NEVER DOE SHE TRY TO DIRECTLY MENTION HER BUT HE ACTS LIKE IT IS NO BIG DEAL. I do not into a tail spin but it hurts none the less,,,, WHAT I have found is that my H comes off as arrogant when he mentions her a little ,, is arrogance for me and for him he is showing me he is indifferent and she is just another person. ( he himself said this)
...he explained to me she means NOTHING to him and he loves ME!!!
My H also said "I always loved you..." to me,,,
YOYO you are soooooo strong to be so calm and trusting. I need to get there. I also need to let her go, funny I have held onto her longer than their "R" even lasted.
Thank you for your inspiring post,, keep being the STRONG ,AMAZING ,BEAUTIFUL WOMAN that you are. I for one am inspired.... God bless...
I had a bad week struggling with OW thoughts and brought her up waaay too much
RunningOutofTime - I too had a bad couple of days. Started with Monday nite when I got upset over a tiny bit of details. Then on Tuesday...I was really depressed. And it didn't help with my stupid PMS. H was quite upset with me on Tuesday, but then he did call me from work a few times to try to cheer me up. Thank god I am feeling better now.
YOYO you are soooooo strong to be so calm and trusting. keep being the STRONG ,AMAZING ,BEAUTIFUL WOMAN that you are. Alimari - Wow!!! That's one heapful of compliments!!! Thank you very much... Do try to be strong and amazing...try to remind myself everyday, except when those darn PMS hormones start interfering!!!
Journalling.. Tuesday was a bad day... Wednesday was better. Wednesday nite..I actually slept already. H came into the bedroom and I was roused from my slumber. Offered to give me a *&%$, totally just for my pleasure. I resisted a little bit .. hee hee.. and then gave in. It was good. Then he said "I'm gonna give you one of these every night".
Thursday night. H had dinner with work people. He forgot his keys. I was already asleep when he called and woke me up again... I was grumpy and was going back to bed after letting him into the house... He had his shower, came out and roused me up and said "Didn't you hear what I said to you yesterday?". I answered with a grumpy "What?" and he said "I am going to give you a *&^$ everynight. " ...Err..
So.. This aspect of our R has no problems, I would think. It's just mmmm... I have some problems with getting ow out of my head lately. I found that H has kept some of ow's items which I left on my bathroom shelf. Do you think that he recognised those as ow's items and took it away because 1) he thought that my maid put those things there without my knowledge, and I would be upset? OR 2) he wants to return those stuff to ow?? 3) doesn't want me to touch ow's stuff??
My brain tells me it's (1) but you those those darned imagination that starts creeping up on you when you least expected it????
oh hon, you are splitting hairs hon, the answer is most likely #1.
It's prob one of those mars-venus "rock bottom" times for you, let it go hon, it's nothing really, remember the talk we had on my thread about the pict frame?
Oh man, I'd love for my H to offer one of those @#$@# nightly.
Now that things have gotten better you are nitpicking at tiny crumbs left-over from ow, let it go girl.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Today, Monday the 20th November is our 10th Wedding Anniversary . A year ago...would never have thought that I would see this day, still married to my Martian!!
Overall, things are pretty good. H and I (only the two of us as kids didn't wanna come out with us..which is somewhat good I guessed. Spending some time alone together) went for drinks at a hotel lounge on Saturday night. And as we were leaving, we went to check out the restaurant at the hotel. It was pretty good and H was like "I like this place. I like this place. Let's come here on Monday"... Later, H realised that he had to meet the new country head and couldn't make it Monday, and changed it to Sunday...
Sunday came round, and H came back from his hair cut and said "not that I'm trying to worm my way out to dining and wining you but I was thinking.." I thought that he wanted to go out with his pals etc.. and then he said "how about we take the boys bowling and then we have dinner together?". I thought that was a brilliant idea. So, four of us went bowling as a family. H bowled pretty well, and I made sure that I was cheering (recalled that the spouse will have to be his No.1 Cheerleader!!! ) and giving him the appropriate compliments. And thereafter, we went for North Indian food. It was yummy. Everything went on smoothly except when boys were a little notti in the restaurant. Later in the night, after we've put boys in bed, we watched a movie together. We are planning to have dinner together at the hotel restaurant on Tuesday. So, we'll se...
This morning..H left for work as usual. I sent him a text to wish him "Happy 10th Anniversary. Love Wifey" and not long later, H called me back and wished me the same. Called me about 3 hours later to just check how I am.
Oh.. can't remember which day..I woke up and hugged H and he asked me "how are you?" and I said "had a dream. Dreamt that you said that you were very lucky to have me"...and he turned round to me and said "I am lucky to have you".
So... It's getting better, and it will get better!!
oh hon, you are splitting hairs hon, the answer is most likely #1. I sort of knew it, but guessed just need some reassurance!!
Oh man, I'd love for my H to offer one of those @#$@# nightly. Shucks...none of those yesterday...nor today... unfortunately it's the time of the month!! Shuck!!!
Now that things have gotten better you are nitpicking at tiny crumbs left-over from ow, let it go girl. This is VERY VERY true.. Yes. Will let it go...
Journalling.. Actually, H called me about 5 minutes ago again. It's the third time he called me since he left for work, 4 hours ago. That's not bad, huh??
Happy Anniversary Yo yo girl!!!!! Things sound really positive there. Your husband sounds really attentive and loving. I like that he reports his wearabouts without you asking or making a big deal out of it. My husband does this too (even did it during the divorce which was kind of weird!!! I didn't tell him what I did! ).
Things sound really good!
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
We didn't have our anniversary dinner on the actual day..we did it a day later... Well, better late than never, right? Would not have thought that we would actually see through this day!! We went to the restaurant at Grand Hyatt..very fancy... went our wine arrived, I sort of cheekily said "may you die with me next to you"... hahaha.. sort of a very crude way of saying "till death do us part"!! and we toasted with the clinks of our wine glass...
Anyway, was feeling kinda needy on Tuesday, and had a short IM Session with H.. and he said that he's happy with me, happier with me etc AND did assure me that he won't leave again... and I said "Okay. Take your word this time". His friend actually was in town, but he chose to stay with us and have dinner together before his trip the following day.. Guessed that's good, and I should start letting go and not harping about him and ow etc etc again. Time to let go for good... I think.
Well, H has left for his Dallas trip on early Thursday morning. Sent me a few text messages when he was in transit with something like "Do miss you.." and "didn't expect to miss you, but I do".. etc etc. Had about 3 "I miss you" texts... so, that's a positive too!!!
He has called me while in transit in Frankfurt.. will see how often he contacts me while away...
Oh.. I was browsing through some old magazines the other day,..on our 10th anniversary actually, and two photos fell out..it was photos of H with ow's family in January 2006. Pondered what to do with them for a while.. of course I had the urge to call H at work and bombard him with words and such...but I sat and thought for awhile.. Finally, I decided to just burn the photos. I didn't bring it up to H at all.. Didn't mention anything about the photos. I figured that it was while he was "AWAY" being still experimented on by those aliens at that time, and that I shouldn't bring it up or remind him of it... I have to say that ow is one skinny woman... looks kinda weakly...
hee hee.. and then gave in. It was good. Then he said "I'm gonna give you one of these every night". 
. A year ago...would never have thought that I would see this day, still married to my Martian!! 
And thereafter, we went for North Indian food. It was yummy. Everything went on smoothly except when boys were a little notti in the restaurant. Later in the night, after we've put boys in bed, we watched a movie together. We are planning to have dinner together at the hotel restaurant on Tuesday. So, we'll se... 
).