Wow.. have not been to the BB for a couple of weeks and the site has changed! Have to say that it looks nice!
Cat03 - Well..think your H knows you sooooo well that he knows you are capable to do things for yourself. As for the ow, she probably portrays herself as a helpless damsel in distress that needs him to do everything..and he is like the knight in shining armour. Sorry, sista..don't think you can try that on him because he knows you too well already.
Things are going okay in my sitch. H and I did squabble alittle bit a few days ago because he was supposed to be leaving for Europe for work, and I expected Assurances etc etc... and we started arguing. H kept on saying "get it into your thick head that you are here now!!" He's fed up of me interrogating him..Well. I did. I asked if she was gonna meet him there etc. I know I know..I have to BANISH the b!tch out from our M and not to mention her again!!!! We always argue when I have my insecurities. Told my mom about this and she scolded me. Said "Not only he gets fed up. I hear it now and I am fed up"... One thing that I found out in our recent argument was that ow actually comes over to Country X every fortnight.. It did explain why he needed to remain friends with her. I was thinking..it must be bl@@dy hard for H to tell her "Err.. you don't have to come here to see me anymore. I am getting back with my wife, and my family is moving here". H must feel rather awful about this. BUT the thing that I don't understand is WHY the H@LL she would want to talk to him? If I were her, I would not want to have anything to do with him, right?? I would be thinking, he promised to marry me, said he love me, and now he is dumping me!!! So, I think she thinks that she could still be with him some day???? Shucks.. no point thinking so much about this... Forget it YOYO...Move on..
Oh..Had an accident involving a motorbike on Wed. Not my fault. The stupid guy ran through a red light. Anyway, H was supposed to be on his way to Europe...but he was thoughtful enough to cancel his trip to be with me, as I was quite shaken-up by the accident.
We were in bed last night. I was reading and there was an article about "smart men tend to cheat" and H was like "Of course. I am surprised that you don't know that!" Anyway, I was grouchy throughout the article, and then we sort of chatted and touched on the subject of affairs etc etc..and stupid H playfully said "one thing that i can promise you is that I will die with you next to me!" I was like "yeah right. when you are old and grey and ill and you come back and want me to look after you!!". Then H laughed out loud and then said "You don't care what happens in between. But I promise you I will die next to you. Whether there is another person next to me is another matter! Ha ha".. He was chuckling..
glad you are ok!! that's scary, got my car totalled 5mths ago.
Quote: Sorry, sista..don't think you can try that on him because he knows you too well already.
YOU!!! ok, you got me right there, I can't believe I didnt' see that before!! <smaking forehead sound here>
Oh hon, sorry you had a set back, I'm sure w/time it will get easier, I think our H's aren't very good at assurances, so we must arm ourself w/trust on ourselves so we don't go off on them.
My H is also adept at saying the most inappropiate things, your h prob thougth he was flattering you, it's the extra chromosome me thinks
...but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.
piecing after separation
Quote: H kept on saying "get it into your thick head that you are here now!!" He's fed up of me interrogating him..Well. I did. I asked if she was gonna meet him there etc. I know I know..I have to BANISH the b!tch out from our M and not to mention her again!!!! We always argue when I have my insecurities.
I have to tell you something interesting I've learned about this. There's power in another's insecurities. For so long I was the jealious one worried about my husband having another affair, looking at other women, etc...
Even through I didn't have an affair my husband had another one recently and filed for divorce (mostly from guilt and shame rather than any feelings for the OW).
During the divorce (and this is after 21 years of marriage and never looking at another guy!!!), I went out with girlfriends in separation and divorce. I met a ton of guys and there were many who wanted to date me (which I didn't do because I planned to wait until after the divorce was final before I considered starting any relationships). My husband realized this, learned that I'm actually the more social out of the two of us and I'd probably be the one to "find someone" before he did (even through I didn't care!!! I would have gladly waited for him to "find his happiness" as I used to tell him).
Anyhow, he decided he didn't want a divorce afterall so we stopped it and are back together. Interestingly I now seem to be on the "other side." My husband seems to be the insecure one worried about me meeting people!!! It's kind of fascinating to experience both sides of this dynamics.
There is no arriving, ever. It is all a continual becoming.
Yes, you must banish b!tch from you M. I'm so glad to hear things are going so well for you. It's amazing how far you and H have come from the beginning. Isn't this piecing hard?
I've started a new thread "Unsure I belong here." Things are getting a little better, just taking day by day.
Glad you weren't hurt too bad in your accident. That was thoughtful of H to stay home with you and take care of you.
M:43 H:37 D14 (ours) D18 (mine) S22 (mine) S18 (his) S: 10/2004 Bomb: 2/15/05 In/out of home Living with OW #4 Talks of D for 2-1/2 years
Hello...Hello..Fellow Sister Goddesses...Thanks for dropping by...
Things are generally going alright with H and I...still piecing.. I think things would be absolutely great IF not for my constant mood changes. Had another one of those...things were great, and I was looking for S6's costume for his upcoming party...needed to get a cape/cloak for Obi-Wan.. found a brown blanket in the wardrobe and when H saw me taking it out..he said "pls don't use that. It costs USD 400". I was aghast at the price of the stupid tiny blanket.. and I don't know what came upon me, I just started sulking and kept quiet and murmured "I supposed she bought that?? I can't believe you spending that kind of money on a stupid blanket! That's where our money went to. What else is there that I shouldn't use" and continued sulking... and H was like "why do you have to be like that? I just said that is expensive and not let your son use it as a cape! You know what. You are okay, and then suddenly like that. Seriously. I don't know when you will get one of your sh!itty moods. I really don't know. Do you know that I am always sooo scared to call you? Just so afraid that you will be in one of your sh!tty moods?? "...blah blah blah.. I know..I know.. it's in the past and I shouldn't be digging out old stuff and acting out on this little manner. I know that I will get scolding from my fellow DBers if I say that I can't control myself. That's a lame excuse I know. I will have to control myself a little more.
It's true..how we could be patient and withstand all sort of sh!t when we were trying to win our spouse back.. and now, he's not doing anything wrong presently, and I give him sh!it. Really really have to be more sane. Me, I mean..
Anyway,... we were taking S6 to another birthday party today, and it was in the mall... and guess what?? H bought me two handbags! One was a TOD's and the other, a Gucci. Gosh..it costs a total of US 1600. Would never ever ever thought of buying bags that are so expensive. Felt kinda guilty, I have to say..then stupid H jokingly said "he he h e.. I probably will be scolded for saying this... Don't feel guilty. Like you said, if you don't use my money. She would"... I was like "so, is she going to? If I don't??" and he grinned and said "No!".. Gosh...
Anyway, I think H is trying to allay his own guilt by buying those bags for me...because he did spend LOADS on the ow. I am one of those practical, thrifty wives and never ever asked H to buy anything for me. Guessed he felt the FUN and EXCITEMENT of buying stuff for ow, and she going "OOOOoooooo you are such a darling getting me those!" and him feeling like a casanova... I did do the usual wife thing of "are you sure we can afford this?" and then doing the "Ooooo...thank you very much". Forgot the honey or darling part though. Still loads to learn..in the flirt with your hubby department, I mean...
H is still saying that he would get me another bag in his next business trip. Don't really need that many bags, really..but don't want to stop him either...WOnder if H's LL is "Gift Giving"??? But if he is expecting me to return such gifts, he's bound to be dissapointed, aint' he? I mean, I don't work and thus have no income now.. or is he generally a GIVER?? Don't really know..
Well, Guessed I have to stop thinking too much, and just concentrate in being patient and more understanding on how H is feeling. I have to remember to be supportive and give loads of WOA (think WOA is another of his LL)...
I guessed I shouldn't complain and just be thankful and happy that I've come a long long way from a year back... H is planning to go on a holiday with me. Gonna leave kids with their grandparents ... looking forward to it!!
As for the accident..H didn't scold or scream at me.. it wasn't my fault after all... he did put in like a joke with " he he he this month, your allowance would be less US 700 because of the amount that you need to pay your victim"
Things are pretty good with H and I. I've managed to not bring up ow at all in our convos, and thus have not had any fights in weeks...which is good. Really really have to banish ow out of our R.
Been keeping myself pretty busy.... meeting friends and all. Didn't realise that my calender was full until H pointed it out.. Had really quite a full week.. been continuing with my GAL after all.
Most times, H has been rather good and attentive. When we first got back together, I sort of told him that advice from books indicated that the betrayer has to "report" his whereabouts to the betrayed spouse and he was like "I am not going to report my every single move blah blah blah"...But I think sub-consciously, he may be doing just that. For example, he was going for Karaoke with clients this evening which he told me 2 days ago. He came home from work, changed and then left. Then I got a missed call not long after. Texted him and ask him what he wanted. He called me back with "nothing. Just wanted to tell you that I'm at the joint now". He does call me a couple of times whilst at work, to check up on me and to tell me things like "having lunch now at XYZ with PQR" or "going for a meeting at ABC" etc. So, he is kinda "reporting" right?? I was having lunch with a friend, and H called me a couple of times and my friend actually commented "your husband is so free at work? Called you so many times!" So, I guessed this is a BIG positive.
One thing that I do keep thinking is IF H is talking with ow nightly... I know I know...BANISH that thought. I know he still talks to her, he told me so. But how often, I don't know. He did tell me that he removed her from his IM list. (which to him is a BIG deal). Of course I would love for him to TOTALLY STOP contact with her...but he says she is still a friend. I don't want to PUSH cause we will probably fight over it. So, I don't ask, I don't query. Hopefully, in time, he will find less and less reason to have any contact whatsoever with her. Best if ow finds another man to hook on and leave my H alone. Currently, she still calls him.. I wonder why???? TO piss me off?? Oh well...whatever..she's not worth me thinking to much.
H and I will be celebrating our 10th anniversary on the 20th. He asked what I wanted, and I said "nothing. just expect a bouquet of flowers and your proclamation of undying love" and he said "I've always loved you. Never ever said that I never love you". Almost said something sacarstic in reply, but bit my tongue... and then said "well, am expecting at least a bouquet of flowers".
So, in short...things are positive. Have to continue with my GAL and stop thinking about ow. In time, she will diminish in H's mind.
and thus have not had any fights in weeks...which is good Oops.. I should say "not had any fights in a week"... weeks is a bit of an exaggeration, huh??
her girl, wishing the same thing, that the op vanishes into oblivion, (specially the SL part )
Glad you are having a good time , I'm also proud that I have not brough up op nor A in the past weeks. Wish my H would tell me that he never stopped loving me but I know the truth, and I also know he's chosen me and wants to be w/me.
Quote: Almost said something sacarstic in reply,
Keep up the good work, we'll leave the ugly come backs in the past hon.
Have a happy anniversary, and DO go out or something, I know you want to do something special, you gotta spell it out to men somethimes
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
you want to do something special, you gotta spell it out to men somethimes
You are right !! I think men can be so blurr some times.
Journalling... Had a bad dream last night. Dreamt that H ran off again... When H woke up early in the morning (he had golf), and he turned and hugged me, and I sort of blurted "Had a dream. Dreamt that you ran away, and didn't want me again"... and H replied "Don't worry. I won't run away again, and don't want you".... which is quite reassuring, I guessed. He did ask me "Who did he run off with"..but I didn't dream that part... so that was it... H left for golf not long..
Anyways, he did call me about 3 times while he was out...He came back about 2 pm, and stayed home the whole day thereafter. We watched some shows together, which was nice... Overall, he was good.
)
, I'm also proud that I have not brough up op nor A in the past weeks. Wish my H would tell me that he never stopped loving me 
but I know the truth, and I also know he's chosen me and wants to be w/me.