Hiya Cat03 - Thanks for dropping by. You know... we are only humans and I think we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves when he sc#*w up once in a while in our 'positive' attitude.... think I am trying to defend myself a little bit... hee hee..as I did all the NO-NOs not long after I put in my last post...
Journalling.. H and I had a little tiff over something that has nothing to do with ow. It all started rather innocently when I text H to tell him about some classes for the boys. I sort of said "a little expensive blah blah" and H sort of jumped at me that why do we have to pay more expensive stuff. Maids, we overpay and now this? You should know how to think about all this.. and I guessed I was over-ly sensitive and I started saying things like "i don't want to make decisions anymore, and someone veered off to ow" and he went "what has this got to do with her..blah blah blah"... anywhere, he did call and tried to explain that he was "just trying to understand the cost issue" blah blah blah... So, sort of sorted out.
Last night...was looking for one of H's old mobile phone so that I could use a pre-paid for S9 to call me when I am out... and H said that I should wait for him to return to look for it. (H is currently away on a business entertainment trip ...so he says, which I think is true) Well, anyway, I went to H's haven (his "special" room which houses his huge TV and sound system) and sort of tried to look for the phone. In the process, found some of the receipts that ow left for H, which I got rid off immediately. Then found the phone.. charged it... Sent H a text that I found the found, and sort of just asked him "are we okay?".. Guessed he was quite drunk because he didn't reply until this morning, and said "Yes. We are okay"...then later got a call from H... He said that he was pretty drunk last night and didn't respond to his texts, and when he woke up this morning, saw that he had 23 text messages. Said he panicked because something happened to us, and felt better that it was only one from me.. and assured that we are okay!
Then later in the afternoon, I was gonna go out, so picked the "spare" mobile phone to ready it so that S9 could use to call me..and guess what??? Found out SOOOOOO many old text messages between H and ow. Things like he could never live without her, love her very much, need her to support him, will wait for her till the day he dies, playing with their child Lauren in their back yard (this one was pretty hurtful because Lauren was the name that we were gonna give our daughter, if we ever had one...), lots of love you, and also one that he said that he was gonna quit, stay home for 2 months till he gets an overseas posting, and then file for separation and divorce, in that case her reputaiton in their workplace is intact blah blah blah... and from her too.. calling hiim huney, sweetie and baby... GOsh.. NO wonder he is sooooooo besotted, right? Well, what did I do? Texted H to tell him that I read the text and was particularly hurt by the one on "Lauren"... and asked again if we are really starting over or he is still waiting for her till the day he dies? Well, first, H texted back with "What are you talking about?? Anyway, it is all in the past. So Pls just move on. Don't think I have any time to do shopping"... He seems to keep on asking me to move on. You think he has sort of moved on and does not want me to remind him of his wrongdoings and thus his guilt?????? Cause he said the same thing when we had the tiff about our sons' classes.
Later then, H called me...when he called me, I have yet to read my text (was in teh middle of my braziian waxing..OUCH!!) and first thing he said "Are you going to give me a hard time?? About the stuff you found? Already told you to leave things. Not read stuff you find". I said to him "Can you find me a wife who would not read stuff that she finds?" to which H replied "NO".
Anyway... we talked abit, and I was kinda sarchy and said "you loooove to be called sweetie pie, honey buns and baby?? Will do so now... honeybuns"> H then said "Please stop! I am getting goosebumps!".. then after our call, I sent him a sarchy jokey text "oh..my poor baby....playing golf in the hot son. Sweety hunny buns will love and care for you...hahaha" H then called me and said "don't have to be soooo goosebumpy feel. No need the buns bit. Honey can already."
Me: Geez..you call her huney.. H: I can also call you honey, honey. Me: Okay..honey.
Later...texted H again with "Hi Honey...what time are you arriving tomorrow?" H texted back "3 pm" but called me immediately afterthat with an opening of "Hi. Honey!"
So... I guessed I have to put in humour to be able to continue piecing.. and to continue to learn to be someone lovable!!!
Quote: You think he has sort of moved on and does not want me to remind him of his wrongdoings and thus his guilt?
YES and double YES!
Yoyo, have I not been enough of a horrible example about finding out stuff my H thought/said to Ow? I now see how foolish I was by coming out of left field to my H with the new "info" i'd find, and why did he say this and that... *SIGH*
Our H's are trying to move on but we dont' let them, we can't expect them to appologize for every little thing they did, as HH post on my thread "there is no sin scale, the WHOLE A was wrong" we need to stop disecting it because we are only hurting ourselves, as I type this I'm working on that, to let go, to forget my H's love letters of how pretty soon he wouldnt' have to leave her side to come watch our kids, that it wasn't going to be like that for long (guess he was doing the separt. paperwork at the time)
ITS OVER, they are w/us, WE have them w/us, not those inmoral sorry excuses for women. The whole A was wrong, every single detail. I was also warned by my H not to go into the room where I found all that crap that did so much damage, listen next time ok yoyo?
Hope you are behaving now, bet you are having fun... after a brazilian (you brave woman) your H should be plenty happy
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Things are generally good with H. He still continues to call me from work at least once daily. Came back this evening, and first thing he did was gave me a peck on my lips...which was nice.
H also called in the afternoon... told me that he has been offered a job in our home country.. Instantly, there was a "pang" of worry. We just moved here!!! I sent H a long text that I want to be supportive of his career yadda yadda yadda..but kids education will be disruptive etc, and if he intends to take the job, I need to write to the kids' old school. And he told me not to worry. He won't take the job.
I have to say that I was worried because our M is not exactly fully-healed,.. and moving back would mean easy access to ow, and of her to him.
H actually told me a few days ago that ow called him up and told him about some work news. Instantly, I was rather quiet, and H "why is it that the moment I mentioned her name, you are like that? If I can tell you this. It's okay. Don't worry!". So, what do you guys think? It's good that he is truthful? It's good that he could talk like she is just a friend?? H insists that it is OVER between the two of them, but somehow, I think ow may not think that it is totally over.
Oh well....what can I do?? I can't control her nor him... Just continue to be who I am...to be the DB-trained yoyogirl!!!
But I have to say no complaints so far about H. Sometimes I wonder if the last 1 1/2 year was a dream??? H was soooooo different and INSANE then that I could not ever imagine that he could ever be. I mean at least now, he is somewhat back to his "normal" self...but then... very very non-comprehensible!!! I guessed no point in trying to dissect his behaviour or thoughts as it would just drive me crazy. Just have to concentrate to be happy for ME!!! I have to say that when I am happy (or pretend to be happy), H normally reciprocates and could see his big grin..
wow, jeez, well, all our sitchs are different. A fews after I found out about the reality of the A I told him I'd never ever wanted him to talk to her nor communicate w/her at all. When he came back, did you guys discuss that?
It is something that he's able to tell you she called, but about them being friends I wouldn't be confortable w/that. Have you told him that ANY communication w/her makes you ill?
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
Cat03...., We have had many many arguments about his friendship with her. And he is rather adamant that she is HIS FRIEND. Whenever I voice my disapproval or unhappiness about this particular friendship, we would be arguing again. So, I've tried not to touch on the subject. When I am in a good mood..I would say "Oh..Good. Invite her to dinner at our house then." and that would instantly shut H up.
He keeps on saying that they are just friends. Although I do think that H is thinking that she is a FRIEND, somehow, i feel ow may still be thinking that it would be something more.
I know most of us would feel that I should be stern with H with regards to his "friendship" with ow... but I can't control him, right? He has got to be the one to end the so-called friendship. With me giving an ultimatum or pushing him to do something he is not ready will make him feel that he made the wrong decision to come back. So, I can only hope and pray that in time, he would feel that this "friendship" is not worth sacrificing our R.
maybe he feels he now had enough self control to keep the friendship and must prove to himself that he is able to keep that woman as friends. We must choose our battles though, I agree w/that.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
H brought up about the job offer in our home country again...and I was showing my worried face and then H commented "I don't know why you are worried. It's not even confirmed or anywhere near it. Next time I will not tell you." And Me and my big mouth blurted "You don't tell me. Tell her ?" (I know! I know! Bad YOYO for bringing up the b!tch) Then H said "It has nothing to do with her..". I did not want to continue with the convo and went back into the house.
H did come in not long after, and then sort of commented to the boys "your mother! Worry for nothing! " and then went on about something else... Then things just sort of reverted back to "normal"...and then he went out and told me that he won't be late... So shall see...
One reason why I am not so stern about his friendship with ow is also because we are now in Country X with H, and she is over in our home country. It's not that far, but still a 2 hour plane ride away. It's not impossible for them to meet, but much more difficult. So, their friendship now is sort of "long distance". Plus H has now moved into a different industry from ow, and in time, they would have less and less things in common. less and less things to discuss.
But if we were to move back to our home country...then I think my insecurities would start and I am not sure if I can remain so composed.
I believe is by the sheer grace of God I don't bring up how H was ow's errand boy, going to the organic shop 10m away to get her her crap, going to Home Depot a zillion times to get her stuff for her new place and would install the stuff yet he whines when I ask him to do one damn thing, I just want to say "you wont' do one thing for me but for that b*tch you'd go around the world to get her stuff" ARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH Count up to ten, come up w/another come back, anything, don't keep that poison alive in you, banish her from your home hon.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
think I am trying to defend myself a little bit... hee hee..as I did all the NO-NOs not long after I put in my last post...