Hiya Cat03 - Thanks for dropping by. You know... we are only humans and I think we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves when he sc#*w up once in a while in our 'positive' attitude.... think I am trying to defend myself a little bit... hee hee..as I did all the NO-NOs not long after I put in my last post...

Journalling..
H and I had a little tiff over something that has nothing to do with ow. It all started rather innocently when I text H to tell him about some classes for the boys. I sort of said "a little expensive blah blah" and H sort of jumped at me that why do we have to pay more expensive stuff. Maids, we overpay and now this? You should know how to think about all this.. and I guessed I was over-ly sensitive and I started saying things like "i don't want to make decisions anymore, and someone veered off to ow" and he went "what has this got to do with her..blah blah blah"... anywhere, he did call and tried to explain that he was "just trying to understand the cost issue" blah blah blah... So, sort of sorted out.

Last night...was looking for one of H's old mobile phone so that I could use a pre-paid for S9 to call me when I am out... and H said that I should wait for him to return to look for it. (H is currently away on a business entertainment trip ...so he says, which I think is true) Well, anyway, I went to H's haven (his "special" room which houses his huge TV and sound system) and sort of tried to look for the phone. In the process, found some of the receipts that ow left for H, which I got rid off immediately. Then found the phone.. charged it... Sent H a text that I found the found, and sort of just asked him "are we okay?".. Guessed he was quite drunk because he didn't reply until this morning, and said "Yes. We are okay"...then later got a call from H... He said that he was pretty drunk last night and didn't respond to his texts, and when he woke up this morning, saw that he had 23 text messages. Said he panicked because something happened to us, and felt better that it was only one from me.. and assured that we are okay!

Then later in the afternoon, I was gonna go out, so picked the "spare" mobile phone to ready it so that S9 could use to call me..and guess what??? Found out SOOOOOO many old text messages between H and ow. Things like he could never live without her, love her very much, need her to support him, will wait for her till the day he dies, playing with their child Lauren in their back yard (this one was pretty hurtful because Lauren was the name that we were gonna give our daughter, if we ever had one...), lots of love you, and also one that he said that he was gonna quit, stay home for 2 months till he gets an overseas posting, and then file for separation and divorce, in that case her reputaiton in their workplace is intact blah blah blah... and from her too.. calling hiim huney, sweetie and baby... GOsh.. NO wonder he is sooooooo besotted, right? Well, what did I do? Texted H to tell him that I read the text and was particularly hurt by the one on "Lauren"... and asked again if we are really starting over or he is still waiting for her till the day he dies? Well, first, H texted back with "What are you talking about?? Anyway, it is all in the past. So Pls just move on. Don't think I have any time to do shopping"... He seems to keep on asking me to move on. You think he has sort of moved on and does not want me to remind him of his wrongdoings and thus his guilt?????? Cause he said the same thing when we had the tiff about our sons' classes.

Later then, H called me...when he called me, I have yet to read my text (was in teh middle of my braziian waxing..OUCH!!) and first thing he said "Are you going to give me a hard time?? About the stuff you found? Already told you to leave things. Not read stuff you find". I said to him "Can you find me a wife who would not read stuff that she finds?" to which H replied "NO".

Anyway... we talked abit, and I was kinda sarchy and said "you loooove to be called sweetie pie, honey buns and baby?? Will do so now... honeybuns"> H then said "Please stop! I am getting goosebumps!".. then after our call, I sent him a sarchy jokey text "oh..my poor baby....playing golf in the hot son. Sweety hunny buns will love and care for you...hahaha" H then called me and said "don't have to be soooo goosebumpy feel. No need the buns bit. Honey can already."

Me: Geez..you call her huney..
H: I can also call you honey, honey.
Me: Okay..honey.

Later...texted H again with "Hi Honey...what time are you arriving tomorrow?"
H texted back "3 pm" but called me immediately afterthat with an opening of "Hi. Honey!"

So... I guessed I have to put in humour to be able to continue piecing.. and to continue to learn to be someone lovable!!!

Another day .....