Based on your post this a.m. forget the no initiating discussion. It was intended to take the "pressure to perform" away from your H. Less pressure equals happier H especially at this time. Anyway, congrats on the breakthrough at the MC. Now take that and build yourself with it. Use it as a prime example to not get upset the next time your anxiety gets the best of you. You got a huge break right when you needed it most and I couldn't be happier for you.
Kaw,
My marital bliss comment was not intended as a "shot". My sitch has made me cynical and I don't really see much "marital bliss" out there. Your W is either very manipulative or confused for doing this to you and I am sure you are very hurt. My W has done similar things and that is why I am a little "anti-marital bliss" right now. You all know that I never mean to offend anyone.
The concept of them "stringing" us along while they shop themselves enrages me. Throwing us a bone periodically while they pursue greener grass is crap. I know it is not wise to confront but when you get to the end of your rope some tough love may be in order. There is the problem with snooping. You have information but the method of acquisition makes it difficult to work with. My other concern is, what if it is a test or a trap? How is that for paranoid? Hadn't thought of that one have you?
How long have you known about the PA and what discussion have you had on that topic? Has her attitude and actions changed toward you changed since she wrote that? You and I are in the same boat because we don't know what to believe. We have two choices. Enjoy every day with them and hope they are coming back to us and not just "playing" us until they are ready to leave or "out them" and ask them to make a choice while stateing your boundries. The answer is best determined by the phase in the R and your W attitude. At a point I felt my W was far enough back for me to make a few "reasonable demands". It was gutsy but I also couldn't take much more so I was ready to deal with the consequences. My W seems to have wanted me to stand up to her but not everyone wants that. What pissed me off most was the deception and manipulation. That was my real trigger. We were having great times together and her actions said she was back but then I snooped and found out she wasn't all the way back or still wanted to "string along" some of her "friends". I asked her "what do you really want to do?" Of course she didn't know. I asked her what more I could do to help our sitch and she couldn't think of anything. I also asked her how she would feel if I was doing the same exact thing. I didn't say it was wrong I just switched roles with her. As far as I can tell the contact has stopped.
You are in a tough spot but hang in there until you are sick and tired of being sick and tired. When you get to a point where you don't care what she does it gets real easy to make altimatums that you can back up.
