R with ow ~ July/August 2004 (ow is a coworker) IF H ended things with ow in April '06 (when he asked us to move over to Country X to join him), their R would have been about 20 months... Thing is DID HE REALLY END IT WITH ow??
The recent panic attacks are driving me nuts. I think I have lots of suppresed feelings and emotions that are resurfacing now... I cried myself to sleep last night. Kept on thinking that H doesn't really want me. And it is because I forced him into it...Didn't call him to badger him... I just cried and dozed off. Then got a call from H at 1.40 am. First thing silly bugger asked was "Are you asleep?" and I replied yes, and he was gonna go and then decided to talk to me a little bit more... H: Am in a karaoke lounge with some friends.. err.. those ex-coworkers are here.. we are trying to keep awake to watch the football. Me: Thought you said they are coming in the weekend? Here for work? H: No. Not work. Gonna stay at our place. Me: Oh. Who are they? (very cautiously...as these are also ow's coworkers) H: P, and the other two you don't know.. blah blah blah. Me: So noisy in the background. H: Oh.. they are trying to select for some girls [grin and laughed. Then he was talking to those guys to order some food..] Me: All guys? H: Yeap. Bluff you for what?? Me: Okay. H: We gonna play golf tomorrow and got to work on Thursday..blah blah blah..
Don't know why, but I cried myself back to sleep again. SILLY, I know..
Next morning, ie. today (5th July) H called. I got S6 to answer and he spoke to S6. Heard H6 say "mommy is driving"... dropped S6 off to school, and then my mobile rang again. It was H. Said something like going to check flights for me to fly over to Country X this weekend. He could hear that I didn't sound too right, and queried. Just told him that I have been rather tired lately etc etc. Talked about S9's placement in the International school, which is not confirmed. S6's is. He said "just move over in August and we will sort it out!".
Later, H called me and mentioned about the fares etc etc. Was kinda expensive... I checked and found it to be cheaper with another airline, and asked H about it..and then he said "Oh..let me check my schedule..". I am thinking...shouldn't he have checked his schedule before suggesting to buy me the ticket? Did he ask just for the sake of asking? Thinking that I would say that it's too expensive and I should not fly over or is he genuinely sooooo blurr???? Also, said something about the realtor pestering him about a house that we've seen and kinda liked..
I don't know.. had a chat with my mom this morning.. She said that since I have decided to forgive him and to have him back in my life, I should let go of the A and move on. Otherwise, I would be the one suffering. She said that if he doesn't want to come back, he wouldn't. No one can force him. She also said that my H is trying to mend US but would not say that he is SORRY and he has done wrong etc etc because of his big big EGO. She said that she can see that he treats me "well". My girlfriend said "We have ringside seats, and I tell you that he came back on his own. You didn't force him". So, everyone around is saying that...but why am I NOT feeling what I should be feeling? I should be happy and ecstatic that he wants us to be with him, right?? I should be... but am feeling down, down, down. Hope this negative air will not last too long...
Maybe because I've not been to YOGA for a few months... Find that yoga does lift my spirits..... Cancelled my gym membership already, since will be moving soon, and had been travelling quite alot.
Need to bring myself out of this phase... Let's see what GAL is in store... 7 July - Dinner with Glamour Gals 8 July - Family Get-together 15 July - Kiddie Birthday Party 16 July - Broadway show with sisters... 17 July - Free Hair-Highlights @ Salon
