Okay, here is a bad sitch for you. He is thinking of her, contacting her, and has seen her. Yes, you are in competition with the OW. Can I change it for you? No. I just posted on Kaw's thread about competition and beating the OP but still not reaching our goal of marital bliss (what a crock that is).
Do I think your H is really back? Probably not. Are most SO of people on this BB really back? Probably not fully. It is a long, long road. All I am saying is, quit worrying about that. You need to do things that are going to win him back and your recent thoughts, comments, and actions are not going to keep him here long. Ready for this? You could do everything right and he still might leave. It is heartbreaking but it is HIS choice. DBing is all about YOU. You take care of you and he will probably stay. Worst case scenario in my book was that I make myself the best H there ever was and my W still leaves. I was wrong though. In that scenario I would have lost my W but I will be happy with myself and a much better H for W #2. Remember that always.
I am so glad to hear you say that if he has contacted her that you are done. I don't believe it, but at least you have to set some personal boundries. Sometimes we have to get angry to allow ourselves to give them some distance. My W challenged some of my boundries so I let her know that it hurt me. She thought it was okay to e-mail these friends and I didn't. I simply asked her how she would feel if I was doing all of the same things that she was. She said she wouldn't care but her non-verbal reaction and her consequent behavior said something else. I didn't threaten anything. I simply stated a fact and let her think about it. Who wants to be with someone that doesn't want to be with them? Not me.
Let's confuse your H. Quit initiating sex for 2 weeks and see what happens. Work on yourself in every way and only change that. If he asks why, say you realized that you don't need that be okay with the R and don't want him to feel obligated.
