T-Bone, Don't you dare opologize for being harsh. It's kinda like tough love, only tough friendship. I need to break through this wall I keep beating myslef up against. It's all about fear. I fear he is not telling me the truth that there is no contact. THAT'S what I can't get past! DO you know your W is not seing another man? If you think or thought she was would it not drive you nutso? I know you've been here and somehow by the grace of God gotten past where I am. No-I did not love him like it was our last day togehter because he came home at 8:15 and read his magazines and then came to bed and turned on the TV. WE talked a little and I did not act how I felt which was Pi$$ed off, instead I snuggled up against him, and thought he might initiate something but he did not so I let it go. He's backed off from that, and I don't know what that's about either. IF I say anything IN MC tonight I'm sure he will say something like I feel expected to perform-ALL THE MAN WANTED WAS SEX BEFORE THE A, so I don't buy that. My gut tells me its wrapped up in "her" somehow. Maybe I'm just a paranoid mess right now. I know I'll want to lay into him tonight with all this doubt I have In MC but my gut tells me to shut up and see what happens. I am TRYING to give him space. I did not say Boo to him about going without me last night,but the man came home because he wanted me, supposedly loves me, wants to be with me. Well, actions speak louder than words and right now I'm getting neither. If I ever find out he's lying to me again-it's over. I can't live like this-I won't live like this. I could NEVER trust him again if he did this to me again. I pray he isn't. Tell me like it is-it's the only way I want to hear it T-Bone. Maybe you can get something through to me that my own brain can't! Rachael M. Oh yes, one other thing-I inititated sex this morning and he was not totally present. I mean his mind was someplace else. I know he would get angry if he heard me saying all this, saying its not true, but I'm not stupid-I know if a man is really with me of not!
