I left early yesterday to go nurse my W so I couldn't reply, sorry. I would have told you "Don't you dare try to go with him, give him some space or he will take his space, comprende?" Please don't crowd him like this, it is very selfish. You need to be close to him and he needs space to work, right? Give him the freedom to do things he needs to do.
"If you trust too much you may be deceived, if you trust too little you WILL BE TORMENTED."
I will keep posting that until you quit tormenting yourself and your H for that matter. He will come to you in time but not if you keep pestering him. If you keep doing things to try and comfort yourself you will alienate him. He his doing the best he can right now and your job is to find that real you back. Get rid of this sorry pursuer and find the strong, confident Rachel back. It is a damn good time for you to molt off that insecure, needy shell and expose your true self. I understand your clinginess cause I have some too but it ain't helping a bit. I have made an observation. You relive your feeling in several different posts. I read that too much "venting" just allows you to "relive" the sitch and not let it go. You may be guilty of that, I know I sure was. I would tell several people my feelings and I never just let them fade away because I kept breathing life into them. Ask a question or journal a feeling but then move on to anything else. Distract yourself and let a new thought grow. Anything but him. We do many of the same unproductive things and that was a big one for me when I was obsessed so I bet it will help. You are so close to doing the right things that you should be able to taste it. That is why I am "reading you the riot act". You are waiting to feel better so you behave better when you need to behave better so you feel better. Get it? I stole that one from Andy.
I am so glad to hear yesterdays anxiety breakthrough. You simply made the decision to not do it. Love, forgiveness, anxiety, they are all choices actually. Now don't slip backwards today. How was your H last day yesterday? Did you treat it like that? I will let you decide that.
Oh yeah, my dad started calling me TBONE when I was little and it kind of stuck. TB are my first two initials.
