T-Bone-Thank-you very much, and I would not want you to be anything less than totally direct with me. I NEED THAT. I did NOT forget your quote, nor will I. I too feel that my destiny in in my own hands. I am trying SO hard. I know it does not sound like it from the way I post, but you are hearing the worst of it-he does not get all this from me. I will try to live each day like you suggest, and already have been trying to do that. It is very difficult when he acts indifferent, or distant, but I still do it. I want the TRUST back and I know that comes only with time-that's what he tells me-that it wil just take time for me to trust him again. I will let you know tomorrow how I did today. The days are so long until he gets home when I feel safest. I need to find a balance of loving him-one that's not too smothering and one that's not too distant. Distance is what drove him away-or rather indifference. I get frustrated when I don't think he see's how much I've changed towards him. I don't think he trusts it yet. Just like I don't trust him completely yet. You know too well how much all this hurts. Somewhere in all of this mess I have to find me. ME was always defined by his love for me,always a sure thing until the A. It's still so incredibly unbleiveable that all this happened. Like you said yourself-A nightmare. That's all it has been for me and I'm sure for everyone else on here. Thank-you for your concern and care-I promise to keep you posted. I hope yout sit improves also. You have major trust issues with your W and that is so hard! I don't know how you keep you PMA up. I know you waiver also-I've read your posts. I'm paying for a positive change for you too! Rachael M.
