Randy,

I would love to give you my take on your sitch. This is advise that was given to me last week and because of our similariaties it fits. Here goes, do your damndest to detach. This is very, very hard when we feel so close to our goal of reconciliation. We are guilty of the same thing, caring too much. What bad men we are. Well we are because we are both selfish, but isn't the whole world? We are selfish in that we want our sitch "fixed" because that is what we think we need. Our SO don't necessarity feel the same way. Anyway, you keep giving her ultimatums, "I won't wait forever", "If you start dating I am gone forever", etc. You have made these sorts of points several times, I think she gets it.

What else can you do for yourself? (The hunting trip should be great, I wish I had one planned) What can you do to create "your own life" outside of your XW and kids? I am not saying to disassociate from your XW and kids just split off a little more time for you. Think of it as diversifying your portfolio. Right now you are a little over invested in your R w/ XW. If you aren't so "heavily invested" in your R any deficits there won't be quite so painful and your investment in yourself will reap big returns.

The main question is why does she keep her distance. What is she afraid of? Until she figures it out and then tells you, you will be in the dark. Enjoy everyday with her and enjoy everyday without her until she figures it out. Maybe

Have you thought about why you want her back so badly? Love, comfort, mother of your children, it is you goal,etc? Think long and hard about why. I listed the above reasons because they are mine. I question love but that does come and go in all R. The best way to get her back is to give her all the space she needs and if that means you fill some voids in your life elsewhere then so be it. That is called doing things for yourself. You thirst for love and affection and guess what, that isn't a crime. We know she isn't satisfying your needs but what needs of hers are possibly being neglected? That may be a pretty safe question to ask. "What needs of yours aren't I satisfying?" I asked my W this and she couldn't come up with anything.

That is all I can think of right now but I have a question for everyone. How come it seems like the guys who are complete jerks to their W have the least amount of problems with their R? My D and I were talking about this last week and it sure has us puzzled.

Update: The weekend was hot and cold because I got suckered into a R talk but I think she finally understood some of my points. Overall it was a success, especially this morning. [Wink] [Wink] [Wink] Hey, I am done trying to understand it, I just try to be happy everyday. [Cool]

TBONE