Hi Tbone, I think the best answer to "what do I do now?" is NOTHING. Do nothing, take a break. Accept the fact that you cant fix this. You cant. You have to rely on hope, faith and yourself. What were you before you met her? Perhaps a little more independant. You did alright without her then, you can now.
In order for me to really let go of any control, I really had to hit bottom and feel the hurt that you are talking about. It gets old. I get tired of learning these life lessons, but they still come. This is the hand youve been delt. What do you want to do with it? I know you ask yourself daily and answers are tough, infact there are no correct answers that work for all of us.
Maybe she's not worth it, maybe she is? Ive gone over the maybes all to much.
Truely letting go provides the relief you are looking for. If she came to her senses today and recommitted to you, stopped lieing, and did everything you want, it would feel good. BUT, your satisfaction would still be relying on her. As long as she is behaving, you are happy. Find some happiness in yourself, not her. Then she might be able to find some happiness in you as well. That is what you want. You want her to start behaving for her sake, not for your sake. This is the biggest lesson I had to learn and still, its easy to talk the talk, but more difficult to walk the walk.
"Focus on you" means more than it appears. You might be as obsessive as me. Its the biggest hurdle Ive had in this battle.
You can let go, without giving up. Keep venting on the board, its the place for it.
