I get so confused when I read the different threads on this board. Some have great ideas like focusing on the big picture and letting go and others are just like my sitch where the WAW has EA after EA, says "I don't love you", cleans up her act them screws up again. It is the latter that really drive me crazy. My W is emotionally unstable and a great liar and that is why our mutual friends are afraid that I am in for a life of misery with her. Tears come to my eyes even thinking that she could put me through this misery again. This is a terrible state to be in but I feel that she is broken and won't be able to get past the pain I have caused her. She has said this before and I thought it was just a way for her to justify her actions but it seems to more true all the time. Why else would she car so little about my feelings?
She was very cold last night and that hurts me. Why do I have to pay for her mistakes? I really don't care about out progress if she has no drive to continue the improvements. I really need to hear ILY from her. I know she doesn't say it because that seems to be the one thing she can't lie about. I am truly miserable again and it will take everything I have to focus on me, the long term goals for OR, and putting my needs aside for the needs of my three sons (keeping our family together even if it is with an unfaithful W). I have a lot of blessings in my life and I have lost appreciation for those because of my pain. I will be faking it to make this work for everyone's sake including my own.
