Thanks for the boost guys but I have tears as I write this becuase I am so drained. I have spent so much time and energy on this that I feel emotionally spent. I am out of control and I am scareing myself because I can't stop myself from doing the things that I know don't work. The reason I can't stop myself is that I am not strong enough to be patient. I need it fixed now because I can't stop obsessing about it. The beast is running my life and I can't overcome it. Yes, I hear a lot of can'ts in the last sentences too but I don't know what to do about it. Maybe my harassing of her today will cause her to distance from me which may be what I need. I really don't know. I stopped to see if she wanted me to get her some lunch and she was very cold. Duh, I knew that would happen but then I actually let it bother me.
What the hell do I do now? My reaction is to be by her to try to patch us up but I know that is wrong. Again, I want the quick fix. I made all very solid points in our talk but she just accuses me of rehashing. A good friend told me that my controlling is her big problem with me but her deceitful behavior has only heightened my control when I need to relinquish some for the sake of the R. Really, what do I do today to not lose the ground I have made?
