I can't remember if you are or ever have been in couples counceling.... Since she seems -- acts as if --- it's working for her, maybe she would be receptive to it.
It seems there are a number of issues you feel strongly about, and she has a different take on. These same issues are the ones that are the most difficult to discuss, because they are the "hot button" issues. A good counselor can work with you both learn how best to communicate these issues and hear what the other is saying without reacting emotionally and aggressively. A good C can provide an atmosphere of safety to both parties, and act as a gentle referree if needed.
