Thank you both for stopping in. Because you did, I will give you my honest opinion on your sitchs.
Rachel,
Try just taking the R for what it is right now. He screwed up but he is very remorseful and seems to be trying very hard. He is back, make the most of it. You have to get some strength or you will lose him. You are scared to death that he will leave you any minute. That is a self fulfilling prophecy if I ever heard one. Please, please, please trust him for your own good. Write this down and read it three times a day. "If you trust too much you could be deceived, if you trust too little you will be tormented." You are tormenting yourself right now so stop it. Act as if today is the last day you will ever have to be together. Don't live in fear that he will leave, live in joy that he is here one more day. I am not just responding to your post on this thread, I have read your posts on many other threads too. I hear a common theme every time. You are afraid he will leave you. I don't think he will in the short run but if you keep asking for reassurance your chances for long term success will dwindle. I speak very directly so I apologize for that but I think you have a good chance to succeed but not if you keep doing what your doing.
He is not your life. Focus on everything else, especially getting back to work. Quit worrying about being happy for a lifetime and just be happy for today. When your husband gets home truly enjoy him and remember that trust quote
Randy,
You are Mr. Patience but drop the OR stuff now. It is kicking your a** and has for the last 3 weeks. She is not ready for the next step and you know that. Please, please, please do something for yourself. If it was me I would go on a date. I only say that because you need to find out that other woemn will find you attractive and want to be around you for more than shopping, softball games, and meals. I am not saying to have a ONS, just go have fun for your own mental health. Who cares if it makes the XW jealous or not, that isn't the point.
The upcoming vacation will be a great break for you. Your R is constantly in your face and causing some tunnel vision. Go and flirt your tail off while she is gone and realize what a catch you are. Your XW and you are obviously great parents and want to be a "family" with your kids but I keep hearing that you need more in a R. I again throw out the apology for my directness.
Many of us here live for our R. It is incredibly important but don't let it consume you. The pain my W caused me has burst my bubble. I now realize that it could all go away in a heart beat and it may. So what, we have done all we can to make it work. Eventually it comes down to a choice, stay miserable or write it off. I have not written my R off but I have definitely established an "allowance for doubtful accounts" to preserve my sanity. The difference between when I found this board and now is simply that I am comfortable that it may end. I will fight it for all that I am worth but I WILL NOT let it run my life. The stronger we are in regards to this, the better chance we have at saving the M. Three huge factors that we can't forget:
Satisfy their emotional needs Be as physically attractive as possible Have great strength and confidence in ourselves
Mass apology for my arrogance and "soap box" rant today but damn it we deserve good M and to not be abused by our SO. I would never have posted these recommendations on anyone else's thread because these are my own rather aggressive opinions and I won't feel bad if I get 100 posts that disagree. I simply feel that sometimes we all care too much and lose our objectivity.
My goal: To have a loving, functional, and positive R with my W.
My ideal: To have a loving functional, and positive R with my current W.
Everyone,
Please, please, please don't forget to take care of yourselves.
