If you post this 1000 times, I'll reply 1001 times until you "get it".
Quote: I don't know if it's because I'm scared he'll back out or if it's because I haven't really made up my mind.
Who gives a $hit if he backs out in terms of what YOU do. Making up your mind to fight, USING DB tactics does NOT require you to make up your mind about what you THINK he may or may not do because you accept that you cannot control that.
Please, stop thinking that somehow YOUR commitment is a gurarentee one way or another or that somehow YOUR decision will ensure ANYTHING at all. You can decide all you want but in the end, if you decide you want to walk away and he comes litterally crawling to you with all the sincerity in the world begging you to stay, you might do it...or you might figure out you made the wrong decision to leave and try to turn back.
Like I said, stop this. You DON'T have to decide anything more than you are 100% committed to YOURSELF right now and improving YOUR situation on your OWN. The R stuff can wait.
The answer to your parents is "yes, I am doing what I need to do to ensure my marriage has the best chance of being reocnciled and once it is, staying strong so this won't happen again."
There, you see, you can say that and not say ANYTHING about H at all. This, right now, is all about YOU Emily, not making some ill-informed, emotionally charged decision about wanting your H or now. The sooner you REALLY get that, the sooner the work can begin. So long as you persist in thinking this is all about H and what he does or doesn't do, or your feelings about him, the longer you will have to wait to be truly happy.
