Quote: You have two little girls who need you more than you need your H right now. Focus on them, on yourself, and stop worrying about what he's doing. He's told you all of the things you needed to hear (he's over the OW, he loves you, he wants to work things out, he's working for YOU and the kids), and yet it's STILL NOT GOOD ENOUGH!? What will be enough for you? Does he have to time-travel back and undo the affair? It happened. He apologized. Get over it.
There's things I wish I could time-travel back and change because then the stupid affair might have never happened. Like I wish I would have found this site way back in Oct. or Nov. when the R was starting to really going into the toilet . . . then maybe NONE of us would sitting here having this conversation. BUT . . . neither he nor I can go back and change what has happened, I know that.
Now as all of you have told me over and over and over and OVER and OVER (ya getting the point yet?!) I have to make a decision. I am teetering on a fence, I can fight for myself and my H and have something to put my energy into, or I can leave the entire situation and be miserable on my own. (Not saying that I can't be happy by myself . . .) I truly want to be with my H . . . it's just all the uncertainty that keeps me on the fence. I think it's time for me to do some soul searching (I have two weeks before he'll even be back in his cell service range . . . and then one more of him doing more operating center training/testing) and decide which damn side of the fence I'm going to leap from.
My parents have been asking if we are reconciling and I always say, "Yeah, maybe I guess. We're trying." I always say things like that. I don't know if it's because I'm scared he'll back out or if it's because I haven't really made up my mind.
It's time for Emily to truly decide what she's going to do and then DO IT! My H has "made a decision" and is starting to ACT on what he says. Now can I??????
